Ep 282 – The Courage to Speak Up

“To become a million-dollar CEO, you have to be willing to have the hard conversations with yourself and others, and that starts with integrity and vulnerability.” Dr. Darnyelle Jervey Harmon

Over the last year, I have developed the courage to have some difficult conversations with myself and others.  You see, the move to millions isn’t paved by hustling harder but by leaning into the difficult dialogues that shape us and our businesses. You’ve likely heard me say “you can’t have a booming business when you have a busted life,” and in this vulnerable and transparent episode, I share about the areas where my own life was feeling a little too much bust. To restore my booming business, it required me to become “radically honest” with myself and others in order to protect my process and my peace. In this episode, I am raw and relevant about the necessity of having courageous conversations. I transparently share real-life examples, including times when I had to sever relationships that no longer aligned with my vision or standards. For me (and you) if you desire to achieve your next level, you will  need to protect your peace at all costs and leverage the power of forgiveness in maintaining that peace. It’s not about being right; it’s about being true to yourself and your mission. If you’re serious about moving to your next level, this episode will challenge you to reflect, recalibrate, and rise.

Are you feeling the tension of needing to address some things—whether it’s in your personal life, with your team, or even within yourself? Well, it’s time to stop ignoring that feeling, because the only way to make your move to millions is by being “radically honest” and courageous. As I explain, these conversations aren’t just “nice to have”—they’re critical for creating the capacity for the growth you deserve. Courageous conversations are necessary for leaders who are serious about creating an environment that promotes growth, integrity, and real change. Don’t allow fear, limiting beliefs, or past stories to keep you from the abundance that is rightfully yours.

If you’re ready exhibit the courage to up-level your life and strengthen your journey,  grab your Move to Millions Podcast notebook and listen in to discover:

• How to embrace “Radical Honesty”
• The significance of raising your deserve level
• How to leverage your communication skills as a leadership tool
• How to conquer your fears by speaking your truth
• And so much more

Powerful Quotes During the Episode:

• “Radical honesty is the gateway to discovering and embracing our deepest truths. It’s not just about business growth; it’s about personal transformation.”
• “Feel the fear, but do it anyway. It’s essential for growth, both in your business and your personal life.”
• “Success is not just about hitting financial targets; it’s about confronting your fears and having the courageous conversations that bring clarity and drive.”
• “Self-care is not selfish. Just like the airplane oxygen mask analogy, you must prioritize your well-being to lead effectively and sustainably.”
• “Radical honesty has transformed my life and my business. It wasn’t until I started being completely truthful with myself that I could see the growth I desired.”
• “We need to have these conversations, to speak our truth, not just for our business but for our personal well-being. It’s about setting boundaries and protecting our peace.”
• “I had to confront some difficult truths about my emotional eating and failed IVF rounds. Radical honesty was the only way to heal and move forward.”
• “The phrase ‘trust your intuition’ kept coming up for me. It’s your inner guidance telling you what’s right. Listen to it.”
• “When addressing difficult issues, always focus on the behavior, not the person. Use ‘I statements’ to express your feelings and observations clearly without being accusatory.”

Resources Mentioned:

• Move to Millions by Dr. Darnyelle Jervey Harmon – Get Your Copy
• Companion Guide for Move to Millions – Download for a detailed overview of the seven systems to seven figures.
• Join the Move to Millions Facebook Group for ongoing support and community engagement – Join Now
• Move to Millions 90-Day Business Growth Planner – Get Your Planner

Want more of Darnyelle?

Social Media Links:

• http://www.instagram.com/darnyellejerveyharmon
• http://www.facebook.com/darnyellejerveyharmon
• http://www.twitter.com/darnyellejervey
• http://www.linkedin.com/in/darnyellejerveyharmon

 Links Mentioned in the Episode:

• MovetoMillions.com
• MovetoMillionsGroup.com
• HausofMillions.com
• Move to Millions Continuum Episode
• God Girls Making Millions

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Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:00:00]:
Ever heard the saying, feel the fear, but do it anyway? I believe that fear is an indication that your next level is present. And if you are about to have a courageous conversation, the impetus of that conversation is that you know your next level is burgeoning. You’re listening to the move to Millions podcast with Dr. Darnyelle Jervey Harmon, the place to be for high level conversations about all things millions. Your mission, mindset, methodologies, mandates, movement, messaging, marketing metrics, and most definitely, your money. I am your host, spiritual business growth coach, Dr. Darnyelle J. Harmon. Join me each week for inspiring stories, powerful interviews, and business growth strategy to help you experience abundance in your life. Because of your business, if you’re ready to move to your next level, everything let’s get this party started.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:01:03]:
Hello, hello. I am so excited to welcome you back to another episode on the Move to Millions Podcast. This episode is powered by God Girls Making Millions. God Girls is a safe, significant and aligned space for women entrepreneurs of faith that are generating at the seven figure mark that are ready to have those anointing and abundance conversations because they’re about their birthright, their business and their bank account. If you’ve been looking for a safe space to finally unearth the conversations that your next level demands, then I invite you to go apply now at God Girls Making Millions if you are new around here, first off, welcome. I am so excited to have you join us on the Move to Millions movement. This podcast, as you’ll come to learn, is about so much more than business. It’s about the spiritual principles and mindsets that keep us from the success that we were born to experience.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:02:11]:
I am on a personal mission to normalize wealth, legacy and abundance. Oh, and just so you know, it’s not just about the money, although we will get into talking about the money because your girl loves her coin. Okay? It’s really about the impact and the legacy, and specifically a financial legacy. I want you to go ahead and pass down those recipes, but I also want you to give them something that they can fold. And I believe that when you make millions in your business, when you make more, the impact will be felt by millions. We’ve created the Move to Millions Method, which is our proven methodology and framework to help six figure service based entrepreneurs scale and sustain businesses to and beyond the million dollar mark with grace and ease instead of hustling grind. Can I say that one more time for the people in the back? Grace and ease. Okay, listen, I literally was just texting with someone that I went to college with that I actually used to work with.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:03:17]:
And we were talking about my journey and how I’ve been in the game for 16 years, and today it feels like glory. Today it feels like Grace. But I promise you, there were years when it was grind. It was all grindental. It was bankruptcy, it was grind. It was ramen noodles, it was peanut butter and jelly. Which is why today I’m an advocate for building your business with grace and needs instead of hustling grind. You do not have to overwork in order to earn at a level that is commensurate with your birthright.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:03:49]:
Before you were formed in your mother’s womb, God knew you. He approved you. He called you prophet. He gave you a message to share with the nations, and that message will make you millions. So welcome home. If this is your first time here, if you don’t have a copy of my book, Move to Millions: The Proven Framework to Become a Million Dollar CEO with Grace and Ease Instead of Hustle and Grind and or you don’t have a copy of the Move to Millions Method, go now to movetomillions.com so that you can get what you need to go to the next level.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:04:21]:
I’m so excited about the topics that we’re going to get into today. I’ve had a lot on my heart recently. Some turns of events that I’m not necessarily going to get into inside of the episode, but these events have caused me to feel the need to share with you. I’ve also had some conversations with some of our clients in Proximity, a Move to Millions Mastermind that are trying to navigate a season that is harder than usual, right? Unless you’ve been under a rock. It is now September of 2024 at the time of this recording. And this year for many has been hard. It has been tough. I’ll be the first to tell you that when God gives you something, it don’t need batteries.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:05:07]:
But, baby, there have been some battery operating moments in 2024. And as a result of many of the things that are happening, the marketplace constriction. People who are recognizing that they desire and they deserve more. There’s this uprising that’s happening also while the marketplace is constricting, people are elevating. And it is to me, it’s such a beautiful dichotomy that I wanted to get into with you today, specifically around having the courageous conversations that your next level demands. Oh, that just felt good. And I know that this is going to bless somebody. So today, that’s what we’re going to jump into.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:05:53]:
I’m taking a break from answering questions in my DM’s, but I’ve got plenty more. A really good one came in today that we will do in a future episode because I just wanted to pause and I wanted to give voice to what I feel a lot of people are feeling right now. The need to have courageous conversations. I’ve had conversations with clients at every level who are making the decision to put themselves first, to walk away from toxic relationships, whether we’re talking about marriages, business partnerships, employee relationships, but literally making decisions to choose them first. I think about that Jahim song. You better put that woman first. You are a woman on the move to millions listening to this podcast. I’m telling you, you better put that woman first.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:06:41]:
And so today, let’s get into courageous conversations. So let me first define for you what I mean when I say courageous conversations. For me, a courageous conversation is one where you don’t back down and you don’t downplay what’s important to you and what your soul is seeking and most needing in this particular moment, in this particular season. Far too often as women, women in general, black women, because I am a black woman in particular, is we bite our tongue. I don’t know about you. I don’t know how you were raised, but I know in my house, my father, who has been gone for two years now, I can’t believe that. He used to tell me all the time that he had to see me, but he shouldn’t hear me. And so I would bite my tongue.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:07:26]:
I would not speak what was on my heart. I probably, before I knew that there was a thing called a chakra. My throat chakra was blocked because I did not recognize the significance of speaking my truth. And I was unwilling at a young age that became an older age, to have the courageous, courageous conversations that would allow me to put myself first. So a courageous, courageous conversation is a conversation where you need to speak your truth, regardless of how others might be impacted by your truth. These conversations can happen personally in your personal romantic relationships. They can happen with your family members. They can happen with your besties.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:08:12]:
They can also happen in your business. Right as entrepreneurs on the move to millions, becoming CEO’s and recognizing the significance of the leadership up level that is required to run a business that is generating seven or multiple seven figures, you’re gonna need to have some courageous conversations, which means you’re gonna need to spend some time getting a level of clarity around what that means. My nanny, Sylvia Jervey, my nanny, when I would get in trouble, she would always say, darn. Yell, Antoinette. Full government. Get somewhere and sit down. And what I know is, I talked to you today about courageous conversations, is that there are going to be moments when you are going to have to get somewhere and sit down. In fact, as I record this episode for you this weekend, I’m going to have to get somewhere and sit down.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:09:03]:
I’m going to have to sit with myself and make a very courageous decision. And in order to do that, I’m going to have to have a courageous conversation with myself. What do Althea, Rachel, and Dr. Erica have in common? They were all making around $200 to $300,000 a year in their business and got to the million dollar mark in less than a year with my help. If you want to know not only how they did it, but how you, too can prepare, plan, and position your business to do the same, I’m inviting you to create your bankable blueprint to your next milestone at my upcoming three day workshop, plan for millions 2.0. Right now, you’re focused on doing when your focus should really be on leverage. Join me for three powerful days, and I’ll show you exactly what you need to do to shift your vision, your strategy, and to create the plan that will facilitate your move to millions. Go now to planformillions.com to get all the details. That’s plan the number four millions.com dot.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:10:03]:
Want to know what it’s like to work with me and the incredible factor university coaching team? You can get started today with the move to millions 90 day business growth planner. 90 days at a time, you’ll be setting your business on a trajectory that will make the move to millions happen.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:10:19]:
Much faster for you.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:10:21]:
It’s got everything that you need to.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:10:23]:
Track, every strategy, every sale, all of.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:10:26]:
Your KPI’s, as well as your self care and life transformational needs. We made sure we left nothing out of this amazing planner. And by accessing the planner, you’ll get a behind the scenes view of what it’s like to work with me and my team. Go grab yours [email protected].

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:10:43]:
Dot as we continue through this dialogue together, I want you to think about a time where you perhaps had to be willing to have a courageous conversation, whether that’s with yourself or with someone else. Right? So what is required in order for you to have a courageous conversation? Number one, I’m going to borrow from the book of Patrice Washington. Shout out to Patrice, amazing human friend, clients. We’ve had the pleasure of working together. She’s phenomenal. I mean, I have nothing but amazing things to say about her. And when I attended her redefining wealth live event last year in support of her, but also for myself, she said from the stage that we need to be radically honest, and I’m going to be honest with you right now. I’m going to be radically honest with you right now.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:11:36]:
I grabbed onto that thing, and I started to really evaluate my life, every area of my life. And when I became radically honest and had a courageous conversation with myself about myself, that was what put me on the journey of losing, to date, 35 pounds. I knew that I was. There was a little bit too much of me to love, more than I was comfortable with, more than I could get excited about. Have you ever looked back at yourself on pictures? You guys know I’m a speaker, so I stand on a lot of stages, and I sometimes look at those pictures after the fact, and I cringe because I do not like what I see. And even though I didn’t like what I see, if I’m being radically honest, I was eating my feelings and my emotions because I had five failed rounds of IVF. You know, my husband and I tried for years to have a child, and we were not successful, and it took a toll on me. And it was only when I was willing to be radically honest.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:12:43]:
Thank you so much, Patrice, that I realized that I had been eating my feelings. And even though I was seeing a therapist and have seen a therapist since I was, like, 20 years old, there were still things I wasn’t completely being radically honest about. And there was just something that clicked last fall that made me take the hard look at myself and begin to have the courageous conversation. It made me not only evaluate my health and wellness and my realization that in turning 48, I wanted 48 more years, it also made me evaluate my core relationships at home and at the workhouse. It really made me get clear and be willing to confront what I didn’t love about the areas of my life that were serving and supporting the areas of my life that I did love. So if you are going to, as a leader, as a CEO, as a CEO on the move to millions desiring to have a company that operates at a level that only 4.2% of entrepreneurs and small business owners in the United States actually accomplish, and of that 4.2%, 78% of them do it once and never do it again, if you desire not to be a one hit wonderous at the seven figure mark, then you’re going to need to have radical honesty in yourself so that you can have courageous conversations. You’re going to need to be clear and know what it is that you desire and what you deserve. What you desire and what you deserve.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:14:21]:
The desires of your heart are based on a clear knowing and understanding of the promise and the promises that God has made you, the yeses and amens, the exceeding and abundant, above all you could ever ask of, think or imagine according to the power that is at work within you, being clear about that, of what it is that you want, without apology, whether anyone else high fives or agrees or co signs what it is that you desire. That’s the first part of this second thing. And the second part of that is what you deserve. You’re gonna have to raise your deserve level. You’re going to have to call into question some of the beliefs that have been holding you hostage for years. Right? I remember years ago. Oh, my gosh, years ago, you guys, I live in Delaware. Delaware is very small.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:15:16]:
There are, you know, I think we just hit a million people, and we had an opera. I had an opportunity to go to a coaching event. I was think I was in my own business at the time. And there was a coach here in the state of Delaware, Joe White. I believe he’s still here, and I believe he’s still coaching. And I went to one of his events in Delaware City, and I remember sitting in the room very uncomfortable because that was Joe, and that was his presence. He was a true disruptor. I believe today I’m a disruptor.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:15:45]:
But I struggled back then. This was very early in my entrepreneurial journey. And he said to me, I stood up, he asked me a question. It was like live on the spot coaching. And whatever I answered, I was very prim and polished. Maybe I still was working in corporate America. I don’t know. I can’t remember the specifics, y’all.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:16:06]:
But what he said back to me after I gave him my polished answer was, you seem rehearsed, and that tells me that there’s a story you are telling yourself, and the only way to get to your next level is to stop telling the story. Y’all. I was offended. You know, offense is really an indication of the truth that’s being presented to you. I was offended so much so that I think I even wanted to leave. I didn’t. Cause all eyes were on me. So I just kind of sat down and did my best to not be the version of myself that would come off of her cross with Velcro, if I’m being honest.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:16:45]:
But that stayed with me, and it stuck with me. And I still, to this day, refer to that when I’m working with my clients. What holds us back are the stories that we tell ourselves. And so in order to have courageous conversations, conversations that serve and support who you are and where you are going, you are going to have to be clear and know what you desire and what you deserve. Number three, you’re going to have to be willing to confront your fears. Ever heard the saying, feel the fear, but do it anyway? I believe that fear is an indication that your next level is present. And if you are about to have a courageous conversation, the impetus of that conversation is that you know your next level is burgeoning. And so you’re going to have to be willing to put fear in the backseat, put fear in the trunk, leave fears ass at home.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:17:30]:
If that’s what you need to do, you’re going to have to be willing to do that in order to have the conversations that really serve and support who you are and who you are becoming, you’re going to have to, as our flight attendants tell us when we get on an airplane, my favorite seat on the plane is seat three a. I believe in hash, front of the plane, back of the car. And I’m at the point in my journey where I only fly first class and I will not take a flight if there are no first class seats. I will wait and book another flight like real talk. And we all, on a plane or off, have to learn how to put our mask, secure our mask before we help others on the journey with us. Do you know that you are meant to make millions of dollars a year in your business? But do you also feel like doing so is a million miles away? That’s because you don’t have your plan for millions. And I’m not just talking about grabbing your calculator and dividing a million by twelve months to learn that it’ll take $83,333.33 a month. Because we can all do that math.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:18:33]:
The fact of the matter is this. You need a plan. But not just any plan. A plan that is backed by a fresh approach based on this market to make the move to millions. I want to invite you to spend three days with me at my plan for millions 2.0 workshop, where I’ll show you how to leverage and scale to add another zero to your business’s bottom line. If you could get excited about getting access to a proven pricing and profitability formula and the critical systems that your business needs to stop wasting time and to start maximizing both your productivity and your profitability, and you are ready to once and for all uncover the gaps that exist in your operational infrastructure so that you can create a plan to turn those gaps into gateways. Then stop what you’re doing right now and go to planformillions.com. that’s plan the number four millions.com.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:19:23]:
and I’ll see you at my brand new three day workshop.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:19:27]:
Want to know what it’s like to work with me and the incredible factor university coaching team? You can get started today with the move to millions 90 day business growth planner. 90 days at a time, you’ll be setting your business on a trajectory that will make the move to millions happen.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:19:43]:
Much faster for you.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:19:45]:
It’s got everything that you need to track.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:19:47]:
Every strategy, every sale, all of your.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:19:50]:
KPI’s, as well as your self care and life transformational needs. We made sure we left nothing out of this amazing planner. And by access the planner, you’ll get a behind the scenes view of what it’s like to work with me and my team. Go grab yours [email protected].

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:20:08]:
Some of the conversations you need to have are going to hurt feelings. They’re going to step on toes, they’re going to snatch edges, and you have to have them anyway. I recently had to have a conversation that, I’m going to be honest, y’all, I didn’t want to have it, and I put it off. It had been burgeoning for a while and it finally built up to the point where if I didn’t take the pot off of the proverbial stove, it was gonna burn my house down. And yes, I had to get to the point where I was willing to do that because I was afraid. But I knew what I desired and what I deserved, and so I had to be willing to have the conversation, even though it was gonna be uncomfortable. And I’m so glad I did. It has now become a defining moment for me.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:20:54]:
And I’m so grateful. I’m grateful for the grace that I could have the conversation in. I wasn’t rude, I wasn’t abrasive. I was very edifying and supportive. But I spoke what was my truth in a way that could be heard, that could be understood, that could be internalized, and that could provoke change in the other person. It was a game changer for me. You’re going to have to, as I just alluded to, what’s number is this? Let me count. 1234.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:21:24]:
This is number five. You’re going to have to be willing to trust your spirit and let your intuition, your inner man, your spirit man, lead you and guide you and protect you and keep you safe. Because it’s going to feel like you’re out there on a limb and there is no safety net when you go to have these courageous conversations. But your next level demands them. It’s a big part of the reason why I created God. Girls making millions. The women that come to guy girls is not just about the fact that they are making seven figures a year in their business. It’s that they demand a safe space to unearth the conversations that their next level is requiring for them to have and put out into the ethos in order for them to create capacity for their next level.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:22:14]:
And so you’re going to have to be willing to trust your spirit and your intuition. Number six, you’re going to have to use words that edify you while giving clarity to the other party. Because your courageous conversation, your truth, is not about downplaying or dismissing anyone else. That’s not what abundance would do, right? And it’s going to take work to get to the place. Part of the reason the recent conversation I had, it took me a while to have it was because I wanted to do it in a way that would be honoring. I wanted to honor the individual. I didn’t want to downplay or degrade them. There’s too much of that already going on in the world.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:22:50]:
That’s not who I wanted to be, especially in this season of my life. And so I had to give myself permission and space to evolve into the person who could have that level of conversation courageously while also being edifying and supporting while speaking my truth. Right? I think I’m on number seven. You have to speak up for yourself. It’s about you first and foremost. It’s not about them. And that is why the courage is needed. I’ve had to have these conversations with service providers.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:23:20]:
I remember a few years back, I severed a relationship with a service provider that I felt akin to that we had an amazing relationship and I had a vision of us doing really powerful work together for a really long time until it became painstakingly clear that my desires and my deserve level was in question. And I was not okay with that. And so I had to have one of those courageous conversations and sever a relationship. I will probably never communicate with that person again. I’ve done my forgiveness work. Y’all know I run the forgiveness protocol on the regular and really have released that situation from my spirit and released that individual to their highest good while protecting my peace. Because my piece is worth whatever you might experience. And I’m unwilling to negotiate my peace.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:24:13]:
So important to me that I experienced that I’ve had to have these courageous conversations as a CEO, when you have employees. I’m going to do a whole episode on employees versus contractors and all of the nuances like the leadership up level that is required to run a multimillion dollar company with other people supporting your effort. It’s a real flex and it requires courageous conversations on the regular, sometimes daily, and to be able to have them in a way that is empowering and edifying, that doesn’t mess with morale and Mar character, and it still produces the results that you want. It’s going to take courage for that. It’s going to take really, as I already stated, being radically honest and being clear about what you desire and what you deserve in order to be able to make that happen. I had a situation happen about a year ago where a service provider who had also been a client and a friend operated out of integrity. And it was painful to speak my truth in the face of recognizing that they didn’t get it and they didn’t understand that what they had done was wrong. But I had to hold to my guns and speak my truth.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:25:24]:
I had to speak up for myself. Because what was at stake, if I allowed myself to squash and downplay how it made me feel and why it was not acceptable and why our relationship hasn’t continued to this point, is I would be calling into question the most important parts of myself, and I just wasn’t okay with that. And so I want you to think about how what are the conversations you need to have that are courageous in your own life experience? What are the conversations you need to have? Who do you need to have those conversations with? And what would it look like to begin the journey preparing yourself to have the conversations. That’s what I want you to think about. The reviews are in move two millions. The proven framework to become a million dollar CEO with grace and ease instead of hustle and grind is a best seller. With thousands of copies sold. We are raising a generation of million dollar CEO’s.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:26:25]:
You got next. Grab your copy and our bonuses [email protected]. i really want you to recognize that being courageous and having these conversations, they really are essential for you to go to your next level. They’re essential for fostering an environment where you can be transparent and vulnerable. Like when I think about integrity, integrity as one of my good friends, Janice just defined it for me, is vulnerability, transparency and honesty courageous conversations are important in order to foster an environment of integrity and to drive growth as you desire to grow your business and build a team. So I want you to think about how you’ll need to show up and what you have to be comfortable saying in order to create an environment for your team, to actually be inspired by your courage. So in order to, as a leader, position yourself to have these conversations, because you’re thinking about places in your business where you need to have courageous conversations with yourself or with others, I’m going to give you just a few tips to use to guide you as you prepare to have this conversation. Because you’re going to.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:27:40]:
You’re going to promise me that you’re going to have this conversation with whomever you need to have it with relatively soon. Because not having the conversation means that it’s festering on the inside of you and that is the root bed of disease. And disease creates many things that you should not have or experience inside of your life. And so it’s going to require you as a leader to really step up and step in to each of these tips that I want to share with you. Number one, I want you to start, as you think about this conversation by setting some clear intentions. I want you to get really, really clear about why you’re having the conversation and what you want to be the result of the conversation. I think about the Stephen Covey ism of beginning with the end in mind. So I want you to think about having the conversation with the end of the conversation in mind.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:28:32]:
Right. Number two, I want you to practice active listening. That means you might need to have pen and paper right next to you as you have this conversation. After you state your piece, you need to allow them to respond without you interjecting because as soon as a person doesn’t feel heared, they get defensive and that escalates the situation. And your courage, I believe, does not have to be escalating. It doesn’t have to cause conflict or beef. So you’re going to need to practice active listening. You can use mirroring, you can use summarizing.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:29:06]:
You can ask open ended questions. And again, pen and paper, writing down what you want to say at that point. And I want to encourage you as much as possible to be present and not be looking for going tit for tat because that’s not going to solve. And that actually isn’t courageous. That is actually childish. Number three, I want to invite you to address the issue and not make it about the person. Focus on the behavior or the issue rather than the personal characteristics because that will help it to stay a positive, elevating conversation and remove the need for the person to defend themselves. But if they feel attacked, most people will come out swinging and that’s going to defeat the purpose of creating an environment.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:29:50]:
Right? So you might use I statements like I feel or I notice instead of you, you, you, you because you is very accusatory and it’ll keep the conversation really productive. Number four, you want to be direct, but you want to also be empathetic and compassionate. You want to make sure that being direct helps to give them the clarity that they need so that you’re not misunderstood. But being compassionate to ensure that there’s respect on both sides of the equation. And if trust has already been established, it’s preserved. Throughout this conversation, I like to prepare key points in advance. I like to literally write down what I’m going to say because it prevents me from going off on a tangent. You all know your girl is good for a tangent and it prevents me from allowing extra emotion in because to process it and write it out means that I’ve already had my first level of healing around it.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:30:42]:
And then the fifth tip is to reflect, refine, and then follow up once the conversation went well and it’s over and you’ve had an opportunity to kind of sit in the significance of what happened. Write down your feelings. I’m a big advocate for journaling. That’s why I tell you every single week to get your move to millions podcast notebook out, because I’m going to give you something you can write down, something you can chew on all week, especially when we come back in our move to millions minute and reinforce the episode with an affirmation for you. It really makes a difference if you have that point of reflection so that you can recap and follow up on what happens. So when it comes to being courageous, know that you deserve it. It’s honorable to speak your truth and to speak it in a way that honors what’s most important for you. And you can do it without belittling or downplaying anyone else in their contribution.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:31:36]:
And doing so is really going to create an environment for you to become a massively strong leader. One of the most important skill sets you need as a leader is the ability to be able to communicate in all situations with courage, with confidence, with compassion, so that you can create an environment for real change to happen. I hope this episode has blessed you. If it has, do me a favor. However you listen, take a picture screenshot, tag me in a story leave us a rating or review and prepare to have your next courageous conversation. I’ll see you guys next time. Take care. Thank you for joining me for the.

Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:32:18]:
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