About Our Guest:
Nakeia Homer is a well-being educator and a self-healing guide. Through programs, speaking, workshop facilitation, and corporate wellness consulting, she helps people sustain their well-being, operate in their brilliance, and show up for their lives and work as the best versions of themselves. She is the author of I Hope This Helps and All the Right Pieces and founder of Heal and Grow Daily, a self-healing community and membership program. A sought-after wellness expert and trauma-informed educator, Nakeia is a member of the executive3 education faculty at the David Eccles School of Business, University of Utah.
Episode Summary:
This episode is powered by God Girls Making Millions
You can have the desires of your heart. But you gotta heal first.” Nakeia Homer
When I first became an entrepreneur, I didn’t realize that it would call all of my hidden insecurities and trauma to the surface of my life. To say that entrepreneurship will heal you is an understatement!! Heralded for saying “you can’t have a booming business when you have a busted life,” I know firsthand the requirements to achieve the greatness that becoming an entrepreneur pulls out of you. If, during your journey to and beyond the million-dollar mark, you’ve been sidetracked with the need to surrender, align and forgive, you’re going to love this episode. I am excited to introduce to some and present to others an old friend, Nakeia Homer, who has been on a mission to help people heal one habit at a time. In her brand-new book, Habits for Healing, Nakeia invites us to explore nine habits and the havoc they can heal in various areas of our lives. This conversation is so RICH – filled with anecdotes, personal stories of overcoming and resiliency and an assessment to reclaim your purpose, peace and power. If you’re ready to start your own journey towards healing, grab your pen and Move to Millions Podcast Notebook and listen in to discover:
- How to get out of the “hood” that is keeping you from your next and beast season of life
- 3 keys for self-care that heals
- 3 questions to ask yourself to expedite your healing
- And so much more
Powerful Quotes from The Episode:
- “It’s difficult to connect with someone not connected to themselves.”
- “We are conditioned to search for care outside of ourselves.”
- “Environment impacts the way you care for yourself.”
- “Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s a necessity to sustain your mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual capacity.”
- “Healing is a continuous process, not a one-time destination.”
- “Ask yourself daily: ‘What do I need?’ This question is the cornerstone of consistent well-being.”
- “Your life circumstances don’t define who you are; your actions following those circumstances do.”
- “By sharing our stories, we not only heal ourselves but also inspire others to envision their own path to greatness.”
- “Self-care is not a luxury. It’s a necessity if you want to be whole and sustain your mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual capacity.”
- “Reconnect with your vision and divine purpose, not the expectations of others. That’s where true transformation begins.”
- “Sharing our personal stories can inspire others and establish a sense of community and support.”
Move to Millions Wisdom Questions:
Book: As a Man Thinketh James Allen
Favorite Quote: “Circumstances don’t make the man, they only reveal him to himself.” Epictetus
Tool Nakeia Swears By: Habits for Healing
Get Your Copy of Nakeia’s New Book: Habits for Healing: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/736982/habits-for-healing-by-nakeia-homer/
How to Connect with Nakeia Homer:
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nakeiahomer
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/nakeiahomer
- Website: https://www.nakeiahomer.com
Incredible One Enterprises, LLC is not responsible for the content and information delivered during the podcast interview by any guest. As always, we suggest that you conduct your own due diligence regarding any proclamations by podcast guests. Incredible One Enterprises, LLC is providing the podcast for informational purposes only.
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Nakeia Homer [00:00:00]:
Someone who exerts themselves to the point that they don’t have the mental, physical, emotional or spiritual capacity to really be who you need them to be consistently. So it is an invitation to reframe self care so that you see it as a necessity, so that you see it as something that fuels the rest of your life and supports your purpose, which is to become the best version of yourself.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:00:24]:
You’re listening to the move to Millions Podcast with Dr. Darnyelle Jervey Harmon, the place to be for high level conversation about all things millions. Your mission mindset methodologies, mandate movement, messaging, marketing metrics, and most definitely your money. I am your host, spiritual business growth coach, Dr. Darnyelle J. Harmon. Join me each week for inspiring stories, powerful interviews, and business growth strategy to help you experience abundance in your life because of your business. If you’re ready to move to your next level, everything let’s get this party started. An anointing acceleration because you understand the significance of being about your birthright, your business, and your bank accounts in a space where you’ll have conversations that will create collaborations and celebrations that your next level demands. I want you to go apply right now for God girls making [email protected] I have a treat for you today.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:01:27]:
Oh my gosh, this conversation is the conversation. Okay? I know I say that all the time and I mean it every single time, but I promise you this one is a defining moment. I want you to write down today, September 16, 2024. I want you to write that at the top of a page in your Move to Millions Podcast notebook. And I want you to put stars and exclamation points all around it because this is a defining moment I’m about to introduce and or present to you. Nakeia Homer Nakeia is a wellbeing educator and self healing guide. Through program speaking, workshop, facilitation, and corporate wellness consulting. She helps people sustain their well being, operate in their brilliance, and show up in their lives and work as the best versions of themselves.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:02:17]:
She is the author of I hope this helps in all the right pieces and the founder of Heal and Grow Daily, a self healing community and membership program. A sought after wellness expert, and a trauma informed educator, Nakeia is a member of the executive education faculty at the David Eccles School of Business at the University of Utah. We’re going to put all her details in the show notes, the link to get a copy of the book. The book releases tomorrow September 17, but you can get your copy today. You will want to get your copy after you listen to this episode. So I’m not going to say anything else. Just grab your notebook, some tissues, and your pen, and let’s jump into my conversation with Nakeia Homer. Nakeia Homer.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:03:03]:
Oh, I am so excited to welcome you to the Move to Millions Podcast. How are you today?
Nakeia Homer [00:03:12]:
I am good, and I am so very excited. This is one that I’ve been looking forward to all month. So thank you so much for just opening up your space to me. I’m excited.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:03:24]:
Absolutely. We were talking a little bit just before we started recording because, like, we know each other. Know each other, right? Like, Nakeia is from Delaware. She doesn’t live here anymore. She escaped, if that’s what we call it. But. But she is from here. Like, we literally know each other.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:03:41]:
Like, my first event, I think you were the emcee of my very first event. I was saying to her before I have her tell you guys who she is in her own words, how proud I am of her. She’s always been powerful. But to watch her navigate from finding the courage to step into that power, to fully express that power today, it has been such a beautiful journey to witness. We had the opportunity to reconnect recently. I didn’t even know she was living in Atlanta because of the amazing and powerful Patrice Washington. And so I’m just so excited to call you super friend and to open up this space for you to just share and pour into our audience. So before we go any further, I want you to just take a moment or as long as you’d like and tell everybody who you are in your own words.
Nakeia Homer [00:04:32]:
I really appreciate that intro. Like, we have known each other for so long, and we go way, way back, just like you said. And it’s amazing and it’s beautiful when someone knows you, knows you, right? So they can confirm and verify that what you show to the world is who you are. And I just want to be among all the others who really confirms and verifies that Danielle is the real deal. She has always been the real deal. And it’s just been beautiful to witness and watch you as well. I am Nakeia Homer of nakiahomer.com, and these days I call myself a wellbeing educator because of the work that I’ve done just simply having conversations and advocating for our mental health. When we think about mental health initially, we think about things like depression, anxiety, and all of those diagnoses that we may get as we are becoming whomever it is that we are trying to become.
Nakeia Homer [00:05:27]:
But mental health is also, self care is also emotional well being. It’s also about community. And so I’ve been able to have this conversation in a corporate setting. I’ve been able to have this conversation at the University of Utah, where I have a course on healing inequality in the workplace. And I’ve had this conversation with clients for now, a few years. And I’m blessed to be able to just do the work of sharing my story in a way that I hope motivates other people to really own theirs. And then, you know, a couple of years ago, during the worst times of my life, I launched my first book and then my second, and now I’m getting ready to release my third. And so that is what I’m doing these days, and I’m excited about it.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:06:16]:
Yeah, I have chills all over my body right now, which my listeners know. This is an indication that the Holy Spirit is present. We did pray before we got started. And just knowing the power that’s going to come out of this conversation, I’m so excited for you for choosing in this moment, on this day to listen to this conversation, because this is a defining moment. Write it down. This is a defining moment. We are going to talk all about the new book. Oh, my gosh, this book.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:06:47]:
Oh, first of all, you can just see it is beautiful habits for healing. When you open it up the pages, it just. It feels sacred, Nakeia. It feels like someone will get their whole life reimagined for them just by taking the time to read through the pages from the. And I don’t. I don’t know, I feel like my copy might be a little bit more special than when people go buy it at the store. But even my little note, my hey, beloved note, I read it and I just literally was like, I felt it in my spirit, even in even the bookmark. I’m creating a new legacy of positive well being and purpose.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:07:36]:
So you alluded to your journey a smidge, right? You said a few years ago, at the roughest time in your life, you wrote your first book. I would love it because some of our listeners are going to be familiar with you after this. They’ll all know who you are. But could you walk us down the path of that journey that led you to being the powerhouse wellness educator that you are today, as transparent as you want to be? Hey, God, girl, have you attended a vet after a vet looking for an up leveled conversation and community, only to realize you’ve outgrown the rooms you used to frequent? For inspiration and implementation, I want to invite you to spend three days immersing yourself in a safe, aligned and significant space where you can have the deepest vulnerable and transparent conversations about what life beyond the money really looks like. For the first time, maybe ever, you can have the conversations that really shift the way you show up in every area of your life and focus on getting access to more. More freedom, more expression, more self care, more meaning, more alignment and more connections. God, girls, making millions is the only room of its kind of for you to finally unearth what is burgeoning for your next level. Learn more and submit your application [email protected].
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:09:01]:
dot I know what it feels like to get your business to a major milestone and still feel like something is missing. If you’ve gotten your business to $300,000 a year or more and it doesn’t make you feel all warm and fuzzy, I know exactly what you need. You need a business audit. And there is nothing that would bring me more joy than to look beneath the hood of your business to see what’s keeping you from the million dollar mark. There’s only one catch. You’re going to have to apply to learn more about a session that will allow me to expose your gaps and help you to understand what are the gateways to get you to the million dollar mark. Go now to movetomillionsmastermind.com dot well, for.
Nakeia Homer [00:09:46]:
Years I lead with my own personal story. I talk about how I had to heal childhood trauma, and I made a decision to do that at a very early age. And I’ve kind of alluded to some of the things that have happened to me on the journey. One of the things that I’m very aware of is that when we tell our stories, it involves the people who contribute to it. And so for years, out of respect for people who have contributed to my story, I’ve never gone into details, but in this book, habits for healing, I felt it was necessary to kind of share some of the things I meant about childhood trauma, some of the things that kind of gives context and relevance to the things that I’ve been saying for years now. And so I was born to teenage parents. My mom was 15 and my dad was 17. And because they were kids, my grandmother, my paternal grandmother, my dad’s mom, decided to step in and brought me home from the hospital and raised me from that moment on in a home with my dad and my uncle and my aunt.
Nakeia Homer [00:10:44]:
And I was around the corner from my mom. And we’ve had an amazing relationship my whole life. Very close, all of us. But there is something to be said about someone who doesn’t come from a traditional family or what psychologists and social workers like, I became eventually called dysfunction. In my home, there was drug abuse and alcoholism, and I never shared where that came from. But it was my dad. My dad was an alcohol, was a. Not an alcoholic, but a drug, was drug addicted and also brilliant.
Nakeia Homer [00:11:16]:
He was a brilliant man. He was beloved by everyone. When he transitioned a couple of years ago, everyone only talked about how amazing he was, how he was a mentor, how he was a positive influence, a father figure to everyone. And that’s bittersweet, because that’s true. And I had to figure out how to hold space for that truth, and the truth that his life as an addict impacted me. There were so many things, and so many people can relate to this. Whether you have a parent who is an addict, a parent who is emotionally unavailable, a parent who works all the time, a parent who is dealing with their own struggles from their parents, it’s difficult to connect with someone when they’re not connected to themselves. And so although he tried his best to be my dad, he was more like a brother, right? And so we tussled a little bit, we argued a little bit, but when I needed him the most, he was always there.
Nakeia Homer [00:12:10]:
However, the impact of that relationship really lingered for years. I grew at ten years old to decide that I didn’t want to live the same life as the people that I was around. And so I set a goal to just simply get out of the hood. That was my first goal. I lived in a projects. I didn’t want to do that anymore. I didn’t want to be an addict. I didn’t want to be a teen parent, and I didn’t want to be the product or involved in a domestic violence situation, because at that time, every single woman in my family had been a victim, and every mandehead had victimized another woman.
Nakeia Homer [00:12:44]:
And so at ten years old, I just decided on some things as best I could with my ten year old mind. And that one choice led me here. And I joke about how I’ve done other things in my life. You know, I’ve had businesses that started in college, makeup artists. I had an amazing clientele as a makeup artist, including, you know, singers and anchor women and men and things I’ve done for videos. But everyone just wants to talk about how I got out of the hood of. And so eventually, to your point, I had to own the relevance and the significance of that story. Not everyone is getting out of the hood.
Nakeia Homer [00:13:22]:
Perhaps you’re just getting out of your family confines. Perhaps you are trying to escape a narrative that someone is projecting on you.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:13:31]:
Excuse me?
Nakeia Homer [00:13:31]:
But eventually, we all have to identify and uncover the truth of who we are and get the courage, as you mentioned in the beginning, to really just own that. And so my journey from ten until now has been pulling back the layers and developing the courage and the wisdom and the authority to really just stand in that and to own it.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:13:53]:
That’s all of that was so good. I feel like just to talk on this piece that you just stated, I feel like everyone has a hood that they’re trying to get out of. And you know what’s interesting, Nakeia? I didn’t even realize how similar our stories were. I had no idea. I’m, like, listening to you, I’m like, my parents were addicts. I was born in the projects. Right at ten was my defining moment, that I was going to use words to change my life, that I was not going to be a product of where I came from. And that really has governed a lot of the things that I’ve been through.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:14:26]:
I just think it’s amazing. And I’m, like, sitting over here and I’m buzzing. I’m like, oh, my God.
Nakeia Homer [00:14:30]:
I didn’t know that about you, about.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:14:33]:
Your parents, but I did. My mom got high up until the day she went to jail. She went to jail during my 8th birthday. And then my dad was an addict until the day he died two years ago. He was very functional, so he never lost anything. So when you said addicted and brilliant, I was like, yes. My dad was the first black engineering major to graduate from the University of Delaware. He was brilliant, and he never hit rock bottom as an addict, which is probably why he was an addict until he was nearly 70 years old and died.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:15:09]:
Even through getting diabetes and having kidney failure. I mean, he got. He got ahead of kidney transplant and got, like, a 21 year old, 21 year old kidney.
Nakeia Homer [00:15:21]:
Like, he.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:15:23]:
I mean, I always used to say, and even for my mom, who was still with us, God had something amazing to do through my father because he had at least 20 lives. Like, I remember when he forgot to take his insulin and he was out binging and getting high, and he went into a diabetic coma. Like, so many things would happen to him. But, yeah, he was an addict my whole life. My whole life. And all I knew, like, I never drank until I was, like, 35 years old, was the first time I really had a drink, because I was like, I don’t want to be an addict if that thing is. If it’s a hereditary in any way. I don’t want no parts of it that’s real.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:15:57]:
Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, it’s just interesting. And I’m, you know, I’m proud, you know, as products of Wilmington, Delaware’s projects.
Nakeia Homer [00:16:09]:
Look at us, girl.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:16:10]:
Look at us.
Nakeia Homer [00:16:12]:
So just to clarify, I’m from Jersey. All day, every day, I’m from Jersey.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:16:15]:
Okay. You live here. Okay.
Nakeia Homer [00:16:17]:
Yeah, but I live there, and, yeah. That’s amazing. Same with my dad. My dad transitioned during 2021. I eulogized my dad. And one of the things that I mentioned is that drugs didn’t take him out, although he was still actively using. Same. He survived.
Nakeia Homer [00:16:32]:
I watched him oD. We’ve had to get him off the side of the road in Florida from Jersey. I mean, all these things. None of those things took him out. It was Covid. It was Covid. And so it was something that I had prayed for my entire life. I just didn’t want drugs to take him.
Nakeia Homer [00:16:48]:
And I’m sure, you know, indirectly, that may have had a, you know, played a part in his health at the time. But, yeah, it is amazing to watch men who contributed to our lives be both brilliant and struggle and have this experience where we are actively worrying against struggle and actively claiming and reclaiming our own lives.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:17:10]:
Yeah. And what I think is interesting, to parallel that to those who are listening right now is in some way, form or fashion, we all have brilliance. I mean, every single one of us. We are greatness, right? And we also have our own struggles. They may or may not be the source of a substance. They may be self esteem. You know, they may be unworthiness. They may be that we have been victimized.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:17:41]:
Right. Or even the traumas that we experienced in the past that we have not been able to forgive and let go and do our healing work around. Which is why I love the work that you do. And I’m so excited about the new book, habits for healing, because what I have observed, and I’m going to give you the opportunity to really give us some more insight into your impetus and writing this book at this time, for such a time as this. But as I began to open the book and just to look at the habits were there. Like, what I felt like is that you’ve taken the time to identify that it is very easy to create a habit. And most of the habits that we have do not serve us. And because they don’t serve us, they end up taking us down a path that does not fuel our greatness and the power that has always been on the inside of us, whether we have been privy to it or not.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:18:40]:
Am I close? Am I off like, what was.
Nakeia Homer [00:18:43]:
You’re not just close. You are not just close. You hit the nail on the head.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:18:48]:
Wow.
Nakeia Homer [00:18:49]:
For years, I felt completely out of control of my life because of my parents. I had to bear the consequences of their choices, my environment and things that I could not actually address at ten, at 16, you know, until I was 18 and left for college. And the same is true for other people, like you said, who are not in the same exact situation. But there are things that are outside of our control. Most things are outside of our control. We can’t control who loves us the way we want and need. We can’t control who says yes to our ask or gives us the promotion or says yes to a proposal. We can’t control our neighborhood or all the things that are surrounding us as individuals.
Nakeia Homer [00:19:31]:
But there are so many important things that we can control that contribute to our lives even more than those things. And so I felt it was important to really highlight the things you can access and do have control. No matter where you find yourself on the journey, it is horrible to look at your life and feel like you don’t have options. You actually do an amazing job of helping us identify our options to financial freedom and the mindset shifts and things that we need to do to really heal that so that we can access that. And I think if we put all these things together, we will realize that we have the power and the control to create the life that we want. And we may not get it today, but everything that we do today adds and contributes to what will happen five months from now, five years from now. And so right now, healing is trending, right? Hashtag boundaries. Hashtags.
Nakeia Homer [00:20:30]:
Self care brunches are happening. We have a brunch every other month, but sometimes those things don’t serve our core needs. And so you are looking at your life and saying, I do self care. I do tell people what they need or don’t need to do or set boundaries in my life. Still doesn’t look the way I needed to. I’m offering a way to look at it differently, to reframe self care so that it is customized to your particular journey. To reframe self care so that you are not intimidated by it, but that you use it as a resource to really create love you want and connection you want and your life. And so it is encouraging that you see it that way, having witnessed the book, and that is my goal.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:21:18]:
Awesome. Yeah, I think that I don’t think I know that you did it like. And when people get to get access to this book, you know this conversation will release next week when the book releases so well. And I will anchor in on so Mondays the full length episode runs, and then on Wednesdays I do an affirmation. So I will anchor in an affirmation based on our conversation today. So all week long we’ll be talking about the habits of healing with the audience. I want to go through all of the habits and then I’m going to tell you what I told you before we started recording. Or tell them what I told you before we started recording.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:21:55]:
All right, so in part one, which is reclaim your purpose, there are three habits. The habit of selfish time how self care heals our relationship with worthiness. Are you ready for God? Girls making millions 2024 GGMM is an amazing, luxurious, high end experience experience for the woman entrepreneur small business owner who is about their birthright, their business and their bank accounts. If you’re looking for a safe, significant and aligned space to finally unearth what your next level looks like when you no longer have to focus on making money, this is for you. Learn more and submit your application [email protected]. wanna know what it’s like to work with me and the incredible factor university coaching team? You can get started today with the Move to Millions 90 day business growth planner. 90 days at a time, you’ll be setting your business on a trajectory that will make the Move to Millions happen much faster for you. It’s got everything that you need to track every strategy, every sale, all of your KPI’s, as well as your self care and life transformational needs.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:23:11]:
We made sure we left nothing out of this amazing planner. And by accessing the planner, you’ll get a behind the scenes view of what it’s like to work with me and my team. Go grab yours [email protected]. dot chapter two, the habit of editing your life, how letting go heals our relationship with change. And chapter three, the habit of playing your role. How personal accountability heals our relationship with control. Part two, we get into reclaiming your peace. And chapter four, the habit of lowering expectations.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:23:44]:
How acceptance heals our relationship with bitterness. Chapter five, the habit of knowing your limits. How self forgiveness heals our relationship with progress. And chapter six, the habit of daily investigation. How not taking things personally heals our relationship with truth. And then part three, in claiming your power. Chapter seven, the habit of protecting your energy. How minding your business heals your relationship with focus.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:24:11]:
Chapter eight, the habit of confrontation, how setting boundaries heals our relationship with connection. And chapter nine, the habit of not settling, how remembering who you are heals your relationship with possibility. Okay, so there were two that I read. I read the table of contents first, and there were two times when reading the table of contents, and it happened again just as I was reading them out loud where my inner man leapt. And so those are the two chapters that I want us to pull on. Number one is chapter one, the habit of selfish time, how self care heals our relationship with worthiness. And I want to talk about that because as business advisor to men and women who have businesses that could make millions but aren’t, and helping them to unlock what will get them to and beyond the million dollar mark, we have to spend a lot of time dealing with worthiness and the space that unworthiness takes in our body that should be freed up for abundance to flow in. And then chapter nine, the habit of not settling, how remembering who you are heals your relationship with possibility.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:25:19]:
So we’re going to start at the top and then we’re going to round this thing up. Let’s jump into the habit of selfish time. Self care is not selfish. Right. Give us some thoughts and insights and maybe a few things that anyone who is really struggling with understanding their worthiness and their worth can begin to unearth to experience a shift.
Nakeia Homer [00:25:47]:
Yeah. The reason that probably touched you so much is because that is when, when someone says, you know, how are you on your journey? What do you struggle with the most? Is self care. It’s been self care and it continues to be self care. And it is because we are all programmed and conditioned to search outside of ourselves to get our needs met. It happens in childhood. We are born, and then we are at the mercy of our parents, caretakers, parental figures, to really give us what we need. And then they tell us some things about who we are and what life is about. And a lot of times that message is life is about serving others.
Nakeia Homer [00:26:26]:
You know, you are a good person when you are good to others. You are defined by how well people like you admire you and see you. And so the message continues. And then we kind of continue the message within ourselves and add on some of the things that are steeped in our insecurities, some of the things that validate who we are. And so we just continue the message of otherness and outsideness or outside of ourselves. And it does self care a disservice. I love the fact that self care puts us in a position to care for others. Right? And that is a good thing to think about.
Nakeia Homer [00:27:04]:
If you struggle with self care because you love the people in your life, sometimes more than you love yourself. We write songs about it and we say it as parents. We say it as partners and spouses. We say we are the strong friend, but beloved. Self care is defined as self care for a reason. It is a necessity because it supports your well being. If you don’t do what you need in order to live a life that is full, that is healthy, that is emotionally mature, that is relevant to your purpose and calling, there is nothing left in you to really do for others. You are a version of yourself, but you are not your true self.
Nakeia Homer [00:27:43]:
And I saw that in the life of my grandmother, which I talk about in the book. She was the love of my life, but she was also one of the meanest people in my life growing up, and I could not identify why. Again, holding space for both things to be true. She was amazing and mean at the same time. It took me to grow up a little bit to realize she was tired, she was in pain, she was struggling with two active addicts in her life and raising a grandchild after she had already raised her children. And she wasn’t mean when we were on vacation. And she was outside of that environment, in her element, being loved on and cared for by her friends and family. And I said, there has to be something to this, because this grandma is not the same grandma I get back in the projects when we get home.
Nakeia Homer [00:28:35]:
Why? And I realized it was because she was not taking care of herself.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:28:40]:
Wow.
Nakeia Homer [00:28:41]:
So the invitation in chapter one for selfish time is to think about yourself first. Not only to prioritize yourself first, not only to look at what you can do so that you are a better version of yourself. So that people don’t have to look at you as someone who is both miserable, mean and brilliant, as someone who is sometimey. You show up sometimes, and then sometimes you don’t. Someone who exerts themselves to the point that they don’t have the mental, physical, emotional or spiritual capacity to really be who you need them to be consistently.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:29:18]:
Yeah.
Nakeia Homer [00:29:19]:
And so it is an invitation to reframe self care so that you see it as a necessity, so that you see it as something that fuels the rest of your life and supports your purpose, which is to become the best version of yourself.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:29:33]:
So good. So many things that you. That I wrote down just based on what you were saying and what I loved about one of the first things you said is that we’re conditioned to search outside of ourselves, to be cared for, which is so true. Like, I don’t know that I ever realized that. I’ve always thought that the flight attendants on a plane, their profits, right, as they’re talking about the cabin pressure, they’re literally giving us the prescription for life. Right? Secure your mask before you help others that are on the journey with you. And I love how you just said a minute ago, like, you think about yourself first, but not only. You prioritize yourself first, but not only.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:30:12]:
Right. I cannot help anyone who is on this journey with me if I have not taken the time to care for myself. And because we are conditioned to think of others first. Right. I think about the. The old church and religious and all of that same hang up. I see when people are wanting to elevate their money, but they’re not elevating their money because they feel like based on Christianity, which is based on Catholicism, which says that holiness means you’re poor and not holiness means you’re wealthy. Right.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:30:49]:
We’re mixing those messages, and it’s impacting so much. Paint us a picture in the event that there’s anybody who’s listening and they’re like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I get all of that. But paint us a picture of what is possible when you prioritize yourself first, but not only when you take time for you beyond getting your nails and your feet done. Because I think a lot of people think that’s self care, and I’m not saying it’s nothing, but it goes so much deeper than a pedicure and a manicure. So. So maybe first, also define more of what self care can look like for the person who gets their nails and feet done every other week and still is trapped in the cycle of struggle and trying to find their significance. Like, what does that look like? And then. And we’ll go from there.
Nakeia Homer [00:31:41]:
Yeah, good question. Thank you for asking that, because it helps me to really just hone in on what I want people to walk away from the chapter with. Right. So I define self care as the practices or the habits that you do to support yourself. So whatever your self is, whether it be a homemaker, a businesswoman, a librarian, a sister, a wife, a husband, whatever your roles that you play in the lives of others are, that’s one aspect of a need that you need to identify and support. But then also, what does it take inside of you in order to really step into that role as best you can? Not perfect. Right? Not always the most brilliant version of yourself, but as the version of yourself that you have the capacity for at the time. The way I do this is to ask one simple question, and we actually go through this at the end of each chapter.
Nakeia Homer [00:32:37]:
What do I need? If you will just ask yourself, I do this every morning. What do I need? The more you do it, the more yourself will give you the answer. And you can do this in your business. What do I need this quarter? What do I need to meet my goal next year this time? Whatever the answer is, we just have to jot it down. And then the next question is, what do I need to do to make that need, to fill that need, or to make it possible? And so often we do the nails, we do the hair, we do the spa, and we go, why don’t I feel good? And it’s because you needed some sleep. You need some help around the house. You need to get the vitamin D level checked. You need to find out why you weren’t eating the same.
Nakeia Homer [00:33:24]:
You need to find out why you have allergies like, I have allergies all year long since living in Georgia. It’s the worst thing ever. And it interrupts my ability to be able to speak, which is what I do for a living. It gives me headaches. So since I know that I have to create certain routines that are non negotiable in my life in order to show up. So I have to get up, I have to drink water, I have to make sure I’m doing lemon water. I start the chapter with, I take the long way home, right? Which is my way of being with myself so that I can identify my needs. Being with myself so that I can hang out with my friends on the phone, being with myself so I can listen to some rap music without my son listening to the lyrics.
Nakeia Homer [00:34:07]:
I mean, I do a lot. I write songs. I write books. I do a lot. In the cardinal, you wouldn’t think about self care being a ride in a car. But it is absolutely what I need, and I didn’t know it until I wasn’t doing it. And so another way to address this is to find out what was I doing when I was at my best, when I felt my best, when I looked my best, when I made the most amount of money, when I was getting the most amount of connection in my relationships, what was I doing and making a list of those things while I was, you know, getting up earlier, going to bed earlier, whatever it is. I used to wake up at 350 every morning and go to the gym on purpose and go to the gym.
Nakeia Homer [00:34:48]:
I was there by 05:00 a.m. and I worked out with the elderly people. I talk about that in the book as well, every single day. And then one day I woke up at 350 and didn’t want to. And then another day I woke up at 350 and I dreaded my workouts. And then I’m in the gym and I’m not working out the way I wanted to. What I realized is that I can’t do that anymore. What served me in that season of my life where I was getting up at that time is no longer serving me.
Nakeia Homer [00:35:16]:
Now I get up and I work out at 830 in my home. I don’t even go to the gym because that is better suited for my level, the level of care I need in this season. Sometimes we practice expired versions of self care that don’t serve us. So you really just have to identify your need. What do I need? And what do I need to do to fill that need in this season of my life?
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:35:40]:
Yeah. And what I love about that is that it means that you really have to be tapped in. Right? You have to be self aware in order to self advocate. And most people, I believe, are meandering through life like we are. So on the subconscious of, okay, I remember getting in my car. I don’t even know if I took the long way home because I can’t remember the drive. All I know is now I’m on my street, I’m in my driveway. I just backed into my garage and I don’t remember anything else that happened.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:36:10]:
Literally, I was on autopilot. Because I haven’t stopped to even ask myself these three questions. What do I need? What do I need to do to fill that need? And what was I doing when I was at my best? I think that is such a great practice that we can integrate in. And I’m going to reinforce that when I do our, our midweek episode because I think that those are going to be my journal prompts for this particular affirmation. I give an affirmation and then three journal prompts so that people can go and write on it because it’s one thing to affirm it, right? To speak it out really does create covenant with God in the universe. Right. And which is why we can’t make casual covenants. But you got to anchor it in, and we anchor it in by taking what we spoke about and writing about it, because that’s how we start to shift our subconscious mind and create more conscious intentionality instead of meandering through life.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:37:03]:
So I think that that is really, really important. The other thing that you said that I really loved was you said, what is the version of myself that I have capacity for? I think that is powerful because I think sometimes people let me make it about me. There have been times on my journey where my vision I believe in operating from your vision point and not your vantage point. Where my vision point was way out there, but the capacity that I had in this season was right here and I couldn’t create a connection. So I ended up experienced what I sometimes call the vision to vantage point disconnection. They weren’t lining up. I wasn’t creating an environment for me to get easily and effortlessly to what it is that I desire. Because I know that when God gives you something, it doesn’t need battery.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:37:57]:
But there is a point in time in our journey when we haven’t checked our capacity. The reviews are in move two millions. The proven framework to become a million dollar CEO with grace and ease instead of hustle and grind is a best seller. With thousands of copies sold. We are raising a generation of million dollar CEO’s. You got next. Grab your copy in our bonuses [email protected]. and or created or freed up capacity, right? Part of the reason why I love adding in the somatic method modalities into the work that I do with my business coaching clients is about creating capacity, right? Like if it is true, and I believe it is, that God will never give us more than we can bear when we’re at the point where we’re reaching a season of bearing more.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:38:51]:
We’ve got to create more capacity. And the way that we create that capacity is through working on our cellular memory and removing the lack that has been lodged in us. You know, I talk about the study of epigenetics and how that infiltrate, it infiltrates everything, especially our self care, because we don’t even realize that we’re predisposed to what our grandparents and our great grandparents and our great grandparents thought and reasoned about and questioned before we were ever thought of. That is lodged in ourselves right here, right now. So I think that this is such a powerful habit and practice inside of the book. I just want to call this out because I know everybody’s going to be running to get a copy on Tuesday when it becomes available. At the end of the chapter, you give us an exercise to write a some prompt based on some prompts that you give us, and then you give us an affirmation that we can start to say out loud and speak. And I love that you do that for every single chapter, so we can really anchor in what it is that we’re focusing on.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:39:57]:
Is there anything else, before we shift to the other habit that I want to talk about? The habit of not settling? Anything else you want to share around the habit of selfish time?
Nakeia Homer [00:40:08]:
No. I think, first of all, you’re. The way you’ve internalized, again, it’s just so affirming the way you’ve internalized what I’ve written and how it is so relevant in our lives individually. Like, I really wanted to share my story so that you could highlight your own and how it works in your own life, because it’s one thing to have this conversation. It’s another to envision it based on our and embody it based on our own lives. What I will say is that it all adds up, and so you need to give yourself time with this. Each habit is going to take some time. And I love that you talked about somatic approaches to.
Nakeia Homer [00:40:43]:
We need to take a somatic approach to everything which is in your body. Right. When we embody something, we need to embody this idea of selfish time as well. And it will take some time. So, really, just take a moment through each of the prompts that I give you. If you get the book. If you don’t get the book, what we’ve already said will change your life. Just answering the three questions.
Nakeia Homer [00:41:03]:
But, yeah, thank you for highlighting that.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:41:06]:
Absolutely. And y’all better get the book. Like, this ain’t no. If you don’t get the book. Like, get the book. Stop playing. It’s. It’ll be an investment that is inconsequential in your life.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:41:16]:
It’s not gonna make or break your life experience to invest the $20 to get a copy of the book. But what is in these pages is literally going to change your life and change the way that you relate to yourself and others, so that the rest of the time that you have here on earth is time that you are actually spending in the habit of healing and being the best version of yourself. So do yourself a favor. Don’t get the book for me. Don’t get the book for Nakeia. It’s already going to be a bestseller whether you buy a copy or not. But because it’s going to be a bestseller, I want you to be a person who becomes the best version of themselves because you have gotten access to the bestseller and the decision to do that, like, it’s really a no brainer at the end of the day. All right, so the habit of not settling how remembering who you are heals your relationship with possibility.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:42:10]:
Let’s go.
Nakeia Homer [00:42:12]:
One of the reasons why, you look at my table of contents and you’ll see it’s not typical to have all of this wordy titles in a book. But what I wanted you to know is what you just said, what you’ll get when you practice this particular habit. And so when we think about settling, and I did this whole don’t settle movement back starting in 2017. And everyone immediately went to relationships. Right? I ain’t settling. I ain’t settling in, my man. I ain’t settling my marriage. Right? What I was talking about is a ten year old Nakeia who decided not to settle at just being Nakeia from the project, right? When you’re from the hood or from a community that’s small, we are each identified by where we live and often who our parents are.
Nakeia Homer [00:42:55]:
Well, I lived in the projects and my parent was a drug addict. Imagine. Imagine if I had stopped there when I was ten. The reason I came with this came to this defining moment. And we choose our defining moments. Things happen every day, and you can choose to allow it to define you or not. It’s up to you. This woman who was so pretty and so eloquent in her speech, she had her hair pulled back in a ponytail, some red lipstick on, like, my favorite teacher from kindergarten, Miss Brown.
Nakeia Homer [00:43:24]:
And I was listening to this woman intently talk about people like us, people like you who’ve been exposed to this. This is going to be your end. So drugs, you’ll be a drug addict, you know, domestic violence, you’ll be in that situation, too. In the projects, you’ll be poor. These are statistics that are based on social research, based on how other people have lived their life and the outcomes. It didn’t sit well with me, right? It did not sit right with my spirit. At ten, I was just like, no, I don’t know anything else. This is all I’ve ever known.
Nakeia Homer [00:43:59]:
I haven’t been exposed to anything else. But there has to be something else because I’m not settled in this place. And so if you are in a place right now, financially, if you are in a place right now in your business, and you are saying to yourself, and when you said this, you said vision versus vantage point, all I could see when I was sitting on the three steps that led up to my apartment and the projects was the rest of the projects. But there was something inside of me that had to have been spiritually. God must have taken me. He did. In my dreams, he took me there. And conversations he had in my ear when he said, don’t do that.
Nakeia Homer [00:44:36]:
Don’t go there. Go home. Right? There has to be something more. You don’t have to settle for being where you are, even when you can’t see where you’re gonna be. I had no idea when they were pulling me out for special education and reading, when I could not spell because I was at a school that was met the. That was equivalent to the quality of our lives there. You know, if you’re from the hood, the quality of education is not always the best. And I was in special education, I didn’t know I was gonna be an author.
Nakeia Homer [00:45:07]:
In fact, for years, I said I didn’t wanna be an author. And there probably was a level of fear that was rooted in that version of myself. Back then, I didn’t see this for myself, but here I am because I didn’t settle. This is an invitation for you to remember the conversations you had with God about you, not your spouse. This is an invitation for you to see past your vantage point and tap into the vision that you have. We all are called to something. I’m not called to be Oprah. I’m Nakeia.
Nakeia Homer [00:45:40]:
And I’m standing firmly in who I am this day. And I’m meeting the needs of myself and the people I’m called to. When I don’t do that, I put myself and everyone attached to me at risk. You are settling for just what you see when someone else is depending on you to succeed. They’re depending on you to tell your story. They’re depending on you to make your money. If you don’t make your money, your grandchildren and their grandchildren and their grandchildren won’t make their money. They won’t get out of their situation if you don’t do it.
Nakeia Homer [00:46:12]:
So it’s an invitation. And look, you see how passionate I am about this chapter. I had to tussle a little bit with my editors on it. They were like, this is not it. You know, we need to be more like chapter one, chapter three, chapter four. And I knew this was the chapter, and I just watched an early review say, the book is amazing. But that last chapter was so encouraging. That last chapter was what I needed.
Nakeia Homer [00:46:37]:
And so if you are at a place in your life where you are tussling with the reality of your life versus the vision, and you are unable to reconcile what that will look like from day to day, I’m encouraging you. Start with self care. Start with letting go. Start with acceptance and watch your life unfold and make it non negotiable that you will not settle. Make it not an option to stay where you are.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:47:01]:
Yeah, I remember Nakeia. It was 2019. I was driving down the road. We live in high point at St. George’s, which is off of the old side of route seven, almost in Delaware City. And I was driving down the backside of seven and I heard the spirit say, I will let them live on whatever level they settle for. Girl, I had to pull my car. I had to pull my car over.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:47:30]:
I just was like, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. I literally pulled my car over and was like, I’m sorry, could you repeat that? And I wasn’t listening to the radio. I wasn’t doing anything. I literally was just driving my car in silence. And so I heard it clear as someone saying, hey, Darnielle, come here. I will let them live on whatever level they settle for. I pulled my car over and I was like, okay, goddess, who? Who is they? First and foremost, I’m called to entrepreneurs. He said, you are called to entrepreneurs.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:48:01]:
We’re talking about entrepreneurs. He said, we are in a, there’s a transference underway, and the transfer is for people to experience next level, everything. And the reason why the habit of not settling is so important, and I love that it’s the final chapter in the book, is because we get to settle wherever we decide. So because we can settle wherever we decide, we can settle for the best of the best. We can settle for the version of our life experience that puts us first. Not only we can settle for the version of ourselves that is consistently doing our healing and forgiveness works, forgiving ourselves first and then releasing other people from the obligation to still be held by who they were when they did whatever they did to us. We can settle for that, right? We can settle for bank accounts that have more money than we can give, spend investors save. We can settle for relationships that illustrate the love that we are personified.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:49:07]:
We can settle for children who are being reared in an environment to truly know the possibility of who they can be. We can settle for all of that. We can settle for the habits of healing every area of our life and walking boldly into our next version and next season because we’ve taken the time to sit in the habit of healing. Girl, this is a masterpiece. Masterpiece, masterpiece. If you do not do yourself a favor and get a copy of this book as soon as you can, you can pre order it right now. This episode will release on Monday. The 16th, you can order.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:49:52]:
You can pre order it that day. It will be coming to you very soon thereafter if you listen to this later. Get the copy. Do you have an audiobook yet? Are you going to have an audiobook? Yes.
Nakeia Homer [00:50:03]:
Audio and hard copy? Yes.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:50:05]:
Perfect. Do both. Get the audio in the hard copy. This is how I read. I listen to the audio while I’m going through the book. Get both of them. Set aside some time where you can just get somewhere and sit down and work on your own habit of healing. Healing into the version of yourself that God saw before you were formed in your mother’s womb.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:50:25]:
Healing into the version of yourself that is exceeding and abundant. Above all you could ever ask of, think or imagine according to the power that resides on the inside of you. That is what I desire for you. Nakeia, this has been amazing. Thank you so much for being here. I want to give you the last word, and then I’m going to ask you our wisdom questions, and we’re going to call it an episode. What is on your heart? Anything we didn’t cover or talk about that you’d like to be able to make sure that we leave it with the listeners before they get their book in the mail.
Nakeia Homer [00:50:57]:
I just want to say, healing is not a destination. It’s not a place, and it’s not attached to a particular timeline. Right. The truth is, you may have to heal again and again and again, reaching new levels of healing that will take you to a new level in yourself. It is a series. So healing is a series of decisions, habits, practices, prayers, meditations, boundaries, and all of the things that make up who we are and how we connect with other people. I don’t want you to see it as a place anymore. I want you to see it as a choice.
Nakeia Homer [00:51:34]:
Something you get to decide for yourself every day. Something you get to access and have control over, full control over things that you have discounted up until now. I want you to highlight and see that they matter. And like Darnyelle said, do not settle for the version of yourself that you may have labeled broken or hurt or distraught or destroyed or whatever word you attach to yourself. Call yourself healed. See yourself healed. See your future version of yourself and deposit into that version through your habits that you tap into every single day.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:52:12]:
So good. So good. Thank you so much, Nakeia, this has been amazing. I can’t wait to listen back to this episode.
Nakeia Homer [00:52:20]:
I haven’t been able to take notes, but I’m gonna be ready.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:52:23]:
Oh, good. Oh, so, so, so good. All right, so before I let you go. I gotta ask you our wisdom questions again just to give them to you all. And you can answer in the order that works best for you. What is the book? What is the quote? What is the tool that has been instrumental on your own Move to Millions?
Nakeia Homer [00:52:39]:
People are going to think this is staged, but it’s not. The book is actually one that I highlighted in the intro and it’s James Allen as the man thinketh. And in that book there are several small passages and several small books, but there was one quote. So this is my next. That said, circumstances doesn’t make the man, it reveals him to himself. Circumstances don’t make the man, it reveals him to himself. And the tool that I use is my habits. In the book I say your circumstance don’t make you your habits do.
Nakeia Homer [00:53:12]:
Whatever you do determines who you are, what you experienced in life, and who you are. And so just embodying the idea that being from the projects or not having money or not having support or my first business failing or any of the things you can insert in that moment or in your season that you’re in doesn’t define who you are. You do by what you do next. I hope that sets you free. It absolutely set me free every day of my life.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:53:41]:
So good. So good. So good. I know you guys are going to listen back. I know your Move to Millions Podcast notebook is jammed to the brim with lots of notes and nuggets. Let it be a companion as you read through the book and work through the exercises and journal on the prompts so that you can walk into your healing. What I wrote down as you were just talking Nakeia, is that healing is perpetual and continual. It’s not a one stop shop.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:54:04]:
It’s not a one off. It’s not something you check off your list. It is a continuous practice that you are giving to yourself so that you can always be walking into the next version of who you were created to be. I am so grateful that you stopped by so we could have this powerful conversation. I’m excited for the book. I bought copies of the book even though I knew I was getting one. I bought some so that I can bless others because I believe in what you’re doing and I believe that the soul work is more important than the strategy work. And if we could get people to do the soul work, then the strategies would work that they already have in their life and business experience.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:54:43]:
So I want to thank you for being here and I want to thank you guys for listening. If you enjoyed this episode, do us a favor. Tag Nakeia and I in a story showing however you listened or watched this particular episode of the Podcast, let us know that you have made a decision to get into the habit of healing so that you can become the version of yourself that will shake the planet. And we’ll see you guys next time. Take care, okay? Okay. Okay. So how you feel?
Nakeia Homer [00:55:09]:
How you feel?
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:55:10]:
Oh, my gosh. Are you ready to get into the habit of healing? Like, are you ready? Are you ready? Are you ready? Oh, my gosh. So many juicy nuggets, y’all. I was supposed to be taking notes and I took a couple of notes, but I was so present in the conversation that I could not even write down the powerful gems that she was dropping. I only caught a couple. And these are, some of these are like the way that I heard what she said. Not exactly what she said. We all have a hood that we are trying to get out of.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:55:41]:
You have to recognize that the habits support you. You get to create your own customized journey to healing. Self care is not selfish and it’s necessary because we are conditioned to search outside of ourselves for care, y’all. She said, think about yourself first. Not only prioritize yourself first, not only, and so many other things. Those three questions which you’ll hear again because they’ll be on the Move to Millions. Minute affirmation and anchoring point of the week. What do I need? What do I need to do to fill that need? And what was I doing when I was at my desk, y’all, we’re going to put all of her information in the show notes so that you can run and follow her on instagram.
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:56:24]:
Go get a copy of her book, get the audible book and start your own journey to healing. You are welcome. I’ll see you guys next time. Take care. Thank you for joining me for the Move to Millions Podcast. If this episode has impacted you in any way, would you please take a moment and rate and review? Doing so helps us to deepen our impact and expand our reach around the world. And if you are ready to start your very own Move to Millions, I highly recommend that you order your very own copy of my brand new best selling book, move two millions, the proven framework to become a million dollar CEO with grace and ease instead of hustle and grind. You can get your copy and our bonuses [email protected].
Darnyelle Jervey Harmon [00:57:12]:
until next time. Remember, millions are your birthright and to access them, you need only move. I’ll see you next time.
