Ep 413: Tim Shurr – Release the Pressure
About Our Guest:
Tim Shurr is a world-renowned High Performance Mind Architect for millionaires, business owners, and high-performing professionals. Tim quickly frees people from mental blocks and elevates ‘Peaceful Achievement’ using subconscious reprogramming strategies developed over 37 years of research. Tim has written 7 books, including One Belief Away and Get Out of Your Way, and is featured in the award-winning movie, Zero Limits. He will rapidly optimize your mental operating system for peak performance and help you see invisible opportunities that accelerate success and inner peace.
This episode is powered by The Move to Millions Ascension Archetype Quiz
“Success doesn’t remove pressure… it reveals the beliefs you’ve been using to survive it.” Tim Shurr
If you are an entrepreneur, you feel the pressure that accompanies your job choice -- the pressure to build, grow, market, transform -- and all of that can cause you to constantly question whether you are doing enough, being enough, or moving fast enough. But what if the pressure you are feeling has nothing to do with your business and everything to do with a belief that got installed in your mind before you were old enough to know it was there? In this episode, Dr. Darnyelle Jervey Harmon sits down with high-performance consultant Tim Shurr for a conversation that goes somewhere most business podcasts will never take you. Tim calls it mental malware -- the hidden beliefs from childhood that silently run your operating system as a leader, keeping you chasing, performing, and proving your worth long after your revenue has already confirmed it. And he does not just talk about it. He takes Dr. Darnyelle through a live belief upgrade session on the air that will have you rethinking everything you thought you knew about why you cannot seem to relax into the success you have already built. If you have been hitting your numbers but still feel like something is driving you that you cannot name, this episode is about to expose exactly what it is.
Here is the truth: you do not have an ambition problem. You have a belief problem disguised as ambition. Tim makes a distinction in this episode that every high-performing CEO needs to hear -- there is a difference between playing to win and playing not to lose. Most entrepreneurs think the pressure they feel is just the cost of doing business at a high level. It is not. It is the cost of operating from a childhood belief that says if you stop performing, you stop mattering. And no amount of revenue will cure that. The only thing that will is upgrading the belief at the root, not the symptom at the surface. That is why positive affirmations wear off. That is why motivational events fade. Because you keep treating the leaves when the root has never been touched.
Get your Move to Millions Podcast notebook ready—you’ll want to take notes on the lessons packed into this incredible conversation! Listen in to discover:
✔ How to identify the mental malware running your operating system
✔ How to upgrade a core limiting belief at the root instead of managing symptoms on the surface
✔ How to shift from playing not to lose into leading from peace and alignment
✔ And so much more
This episode is a call to the CEO who has all the evidence of success but still cannot convince the jury in their own head that they are enough. Tim says something in this conversation that will stop you cold: you can have every accolade, every revenue milestone, every client win, and if the core belief running underneath all of it is "I am not safe" or "I am not enough," none of it will ever feel like it is yours to keep. This is a call to stop cutting the tops off weeds and go to the root, because the strategy is not your problem. The belief underneath the strategy is.
This is your invitation to listen to this episode twice. The first time, let the conversation wash over you. The second time, close your eyes when Tim walks Dr. Darnyelle through the live belief upgrade exercise and do it for yourself. Go back to that earliest memory. Find the belief that got installed before you had the language to reject it. And upgrade it. Because if you have been wondering why you still feel pressure after everything you have built, the answer is not in your next launch plan. It is in the belief you have been carrying since you were six years old that you did not even know was running the show.
Incredible One Enterprises, LLC is not responsible for the content and information delivered during the podcast interview by any guest. As always, we suggest that you conduct your own due diligence regarding any proclamations by podcast guests. Incredible One Enterprises, LLC is providing the podcast for informational purposes only.
- "Every garden has flowers and weeds. Whatever you water, you're gonna grow."
- "The cure for insecurity, the cure for imposter syndrome, the cure for self-sabotage is self-love."
- "You might be rich, but are you wealthy? Because there is a difference."
- "Your biggest breakthroughs are hiding in the places you don't want to go."
- "It's not time management, it's thought management."
- What would I have to believe about myself right now to feel the pressure I am feeling, and when is the first time I ever felt this way?
- Am I achieving because I am inspired or because I am still trying to prove to someone from my childhood that I am worthy of being seen?
- Am I playing to win or am I playing not to lose, and how would my business and my life change if I knew the difference?
- What is the belief sitting underneath my ambition, and have I ever actually upgraded it or have I just been managing around it?
- Am I rich or am I wealthy, and if there is a gap between the two, what belief is keeping me from closing it?
Move to Millions Wisdom Questions:
Favorite Book: The Bible
Favorite Quote: “When you’re going through hell, don’t stop.” Les Brown
“Your biggest breakthroughs are hiding in the places you don’t want to go.” Tim Shurr
Tool Tim Swears By On His Own Move to Millions: The One Belief Away Technique
How to Connect with Tim Shurr:
- Website: https://indyhypnosis.com/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/realtimshurr
- Take the Move to Millions Ascension Archetype Quiz
- Join the Waitlist for Sanctuary
- Move to Millions: The Proven Framework To Become a Million Dollar CEO With Grace & Ease Instead of Hustle & Grind by Dr. Darnyelle Jervey Harmon – Get Your Copy
- Join the Move to Millions Facebook Group for ongoing support and community engagement – Join Now
- Move to Millions 90-Day Business Growth Planner – Get Your Planner
Personal brand website: https://drdarnyelle.com/
Company website: https://incredibleoneenterprises.com/
Move to Millions website: https://movetomillions.com/
Darnyelle: [00:00:00] Tim, I am so excited to welcome you to the Move to Millions podcast. How are you today?
Tim: I'm doing great and this is wonderful 'cause I'm a big fan of your show. I've been listening to your podcast on my walks every day this week, and now here we are. So I'm really looking forward to our conversation.
Darnyelle: That means so much to me.
You don't even know. I'm so grateful. I've been checking you out online and seeing the goodness that you've been pouring into the world for 30 plus years, which is amazing. Yes. And so I'm just so grateful to even be here in this moment. Fully present in this conversation with you now, just as we get started, you know, everyone's heard your professional bio , and we know how good you are on paper, but I'm wondering if there is something that you would love to share with the audience that'll really help us to ground us into the conversation that we're gonna have to today that was not in your professional bio.
Tim: , That's an excellent question. So I want people to know how much I care about 'em. [00:01:00] Right. How much I care about you, how much I care about, uh, the struggle that we go through, right? Being in business for over 30 years and being an entrepreneur, before I knew what that word was. And, uh, and the massive amounts of uncertainty, the loneliness that I experienced, the crushing pressure, the arguments that would happen between my wife and I when she would be frustrated because I never knew what, what we were gonna earn that month, you know?
And that I needed to go get a real job. And, and, and all the pressures that come up, uh, with. With running a business and, and being in a, a good marriage and dealing with the family and, and, uh, you know, we don't talk about that. Everybody's talking about how to make more money or how to, uh, you know, try to get to the next level.
And so I'm, I really care about, uh, the wellbeing of, of, um, you know, who we are and, and how we go out into the world. I know that sounds kind of, that sounds kind of messy right now. Usually I'm much [00:02:00] smoother, but. But yeah, that's, that's what I really want people to know because I've been talking about interview, you know, doing interviews and, and helping people to, uh, live their best lives for a long time.
But it really comes down to, are you getting the most amount of joy that you can every day? Are you just stressing out because you think you're not where you're at, where you're supposed to be at? You know, we keep chasing something and, and, uh, whatever that something is. If I could get it into people's heads and into their hearts, just one idea.
It's that you're already enough, you've already won. So let's just live today like it's a bonus round.
Darnyelle: Okay, so, uh, I wanna thank you guys all for coming out to the Move to Millions podcast. That's a mic drop and we're calling it a show. No, I mean, that was amazing. Like when you first started talking about the pressure that we feel and experience in this business entrepreneurship journey, I was like, okay, so he's not pulling any punches.
We're getting right into it, which I love because you know me, I wanna have a real conversation. I feel like there's way too many shows out there that placate [00:03:00] the entrepreneur and they don't keep it real. And specifically, you know, this season is all about. Success is no longer the problem, like your success is inevitable.
So let's just assume you're going to be successful. What are the barriers to creating an environment for that success to create the legacy that you came into your business for in the first place? And what I love about what you just said just now as we got started. Is that there is this pressure, internal pressure as well as external pressure and the pressure I feel like often and I can't wait to get your take on it.
It feels like it's being compounded based on what's happening in the world today, and people don't know where to go to get relief from the pressure, and that's why I'm so excited that we get to have this conversation. So talk to me a little bit about. From your perspective in doing the amazing work that you do as a high performance consultant and leader and, and being in and around business as long as you have, you've seen your fair share of pressure.
[00:04:00] You just told us that, right? So yes. Let's first define pressure. 'cause it could mean different things for different people. And then I would just love. To hear like some of your best demonstrated practices for how to deal with this pressure in real time without more effort. That's the key. Not more work.
Yeah. How do we alleviate the pressure without doing more work?
Tim: Yeah, I'm all about becoming a peaceful achiever. So we have definitions of pressure and definitions of success, so we're gonna assume you're gonna be successful. But what does that mean? I guess what we're talking about is, you know, financially you're hitting your numbers, right?
And so you have enough money where you don't have to worry if you're gonna be able to pay your mortgage and, or mortgages and, and e tonight, right? So you're comfortable, you have that level of, of financial freedom or abundance. Um, but a lot of people have a lot of money and do not. Feel successful. They, you know, that was talking to somebody the other day and he was, uh, making $3 million a year and he was constantly afraid he was gonna run outta [00:05:00] money, you know?
And so, uh, you think, how can you make that much money and still feel like you're gonna run out? And it's because we have these beliefs in our mind that are like, uh, mental malware that's running in our mental operating system. These beliefs that we picked up in childhood that make us feel like we're not enough, we're not safe, so we become super achievers or the one that's always, um, helping everybody and.
Or the perfectionist, right? And, and so, or the rebel. And so we have all of these, uh, you know, um, we're trying to meet those needs and we're trying to push ourselves. Uh, but these beliefs always make us feel like we're not enough. And so pressure in that way, uh, causes a lot of harm because we can never relax.
You know, I call it achiever syndrome because, uh, you know, you can't relax on a vacation. You can't fully be present with your spouse. You can't, uh, you know, just relax and go for a walk. You're always, no, I gotta get back to the computer because there's something else that needs to be done because of that pressure that [00:06:00] if you take your eye off the prize, you're gonna miss out on opportunities.
It's all gonna fall apart, or you're gonna get blindsided. And so that is not success. That is, uh, you know, that's playing not to lose. Success is playing to win, right? So success is when you have, uh, peace, you have balance, more balance in your life, right? You feel like you're getting from the day instead of just getting through it.
Your main goal isn't just to hit numbers, but to experience more joy. And how do you get there? The answer is you upgrade your beliefs. You're always trying to figure out what is driving the way you think, the way you feel your habits. The way you're showing up. So if we can figure out what are the beliefs that are hidden, the hidden constraints, the, the unconscious, uh, paradigms in your mind that need to be upgraded, if you can upgrade those beliefs, it can radically improve, uh, you know, how you're showing up and the kind of [00:07:00] results you're experiencing.
And then you gotta keep that door in front of your heart open at all times. We don't like to feel uncomfortable feelings, and so it just closes the door to our heart. And we've gotta make sure that we keep that door open, right? Uh, so that you can go through uncomfortable times comfortably. You know, a lot of entrepreneurs will say, I thrive under pressure.
I'm not afraid of pressure. Bring it on. Right? In fact, they think that if you take the pressure off, they're gonna lose their mojo. You know, this is what made me millions, and you're telling me I gotta change. And so they'll, they'll go the opposite or they'll double down, and it's like, no, you're not changing, you're upgrading, you're optimizing.
You're not still using the iPhone one, are you? You know? Right. You know, they keep optimizing the software, so that's what I would suggest.
Darnyelle: Yeah. I mean, okay, so don't mind me, I was just over here taking lots of notes 'cause this was so good. I didn't wanna interrupt you, but at the same time I wanted to interrupt you because you were talking really, really good.
I'm gonna go all the way back to the mental malware. [00:08:00] Mm. I feel like this is so important. Especially right now. Right. I am of the belief, and I would imagine you concur that you know, between birth to the age of seven, all of the malware, and it's mostly malware is being installed, right?
Like what we were taught and what we caught from those who raised us. Really flower, who we become as adults who desire to run their own business. And most of those stories that we've been telling ourselves that we would. Stake our claim on as truth because it's been our life experience or actually lies, or as you call them, those hidden beliefs that we didn't, we don't even realize that got there.
And so my question, especially for those of us who are dealing with the achiever syndrome, I could certainly see myself in that there was absolutely a point in time as a middle child, the only way [00:09:00] I got attention in my home was to achieve. Mm, mm-hmm. I made very early a commitment to achieving so that someone would pay attention to me.
Mm-hmm. As a result of that, I know that I overperformed and I over delivered as a mechanism to prove my, my worth and my worthiness. IE mental malware. How do we begin to undo? This software that has been wreaking havoc and running the way that we operate day in and day out so that we can keep the door to our heart open and upgrade our beliefs because you're asking those who haven't done any of this work yet.
And I know listeners on my show, they've done some of it. You're asking us to believe that everything we know to be true, that it is not actually true and there's a better reality out there for our life, and that if we could figure out how to, [00:10:00] uh, uninstall the malware and reinstall programming that supports us, we might actually be able to experience life.
With abundance, with peace, and with harmony. That's what I feel like I heard you say, and I know somebody out there right now is listening like, what is this man talking about? He's talking crazy. I've never heard of any such thing, so break that down for us.
Tim: Yeah, that was a great review. So. You know, every garden has flowers and weeds, right?
And whatever you water, you're gonna grow. And we have been accidentally growing a lot of weeds, you know, watering the weeds in our garden and not realizing it. And so, uh, a lot of talk therapy, a lot of coaching, a lot of, uh, the YouTube videos on motivation these days, uh, are trying to, uh. Talk you into having a really positive mindset, and that's gonna be what upgrades that mental malware.
But I find that often that's like cutting the top off of weeds. Mm-hmm. Because you can jump up and down on the, you know, and walk [00:11:00] on fire with Tony Robbins, and then a week later you feel like you're right back to where you were. You weren't able to maintain that energy because you're not in a stadium with 3000 people jumping up and down for four days.
Right? And so our programming takes over. So then we try to use sugar, alcohol, red Bull, uh, nicotine, you know, all kinds of different things to try to keep us, uh, focused and pushing hard. Uh, but that's like throwing dirt on top of the weed. You know, it is not really getting to the root. And so, you know, I've been doing coaching for 30 years and, and, uh, I facilitated a lot of sessions, thousands of sessions.
Trying to figure out what happens when, when you get stuck, how to get unstuck. And so instead of spending months or years on therapy or po um, programs like that, I found that you can go right to the core belief that's like the parking brake stuck in your brain and release it in like 20 minutes.
Darnyelle: Oh wow.
Tim: Hold on,
Darnyelle: hold on.
Tim: Yeah.
Darnyelle: Hold on a second.
Tim: Yeah,
Darnyelle: now you're talking. Okay. So
Tim: [00:12:00] yes,
Darnyelle: tell us what, what do we do? How do we make this
Tim: happen? Yeah. All right. I'm gonna break it down and just give you exactly what I would do, you know, over the course of a couple of sessions, right? So we take you into my office, which these days I'm doing all my sessions over the phone anyway.
And so, um, uh, so in session one, we do the awakening. And with the awakening, what I would do is I was work, working with you, and you're still feeling that pressure, right? You're still feeling that pressure to perform, right? That even though you have all the success, you've done so much good, you're helping so many other people.
Now you still get that feeling that you can't, you gotta keep pushing because like you said, it defines your worth. And if you're not pushing. Maybe we don't feel as worthy as we used to, right? 'cause our brain says, yeah, I accomplished this, but what about all the other stuff? Right? And it starts to not care.
It only cares about what you're gonna do next. And so, uh, or what you haven't done yet or what someone else has done better than you. And so, uh, so then it pushes that button and I'm like, all right, well get in touch with that feeling. You start to feel that [00:13:00] feeling that comes up. And then what I would do is just take you back.
Uh, in fact, I'm tempted to do it now if you wanted to do a little demo. Sure. Listen, I'm game. I'm willing. Let's play a little game then. Yeah. So I want you to go ahead and you can do this with your eyes open or eyes closed. It's up to you. Okay. And, uh, people that are listening, if you're driving, just listen to us, but don't go through it with us.
Right. Okay. So, yeah. Um, so I want you to go ahead and that pressure that would come up inside. That middle child pressure that made you feel like you had to be the achiever so you could stand out or so people would like or love you or, or notice you more. I want you to get in touch with the feeling that would come up inside when you'd have that.
Do you want me to tell you what I, what the feeling is or where? No, I just want you to know that you feel it? Yeah. Okay. And you connect with it? Mm-hmm. Right now what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna count from three down to one as I do, I want you to just imagine stepping into that feeling and following it all the way back to the very first time you ever felt that [00:14:00] way.
Mm. Now you're not gonna relive anything. You're more like observing it like it's on a television set across the room and you got this magic remote so you can stop or fast forward at any time you want. You'll be safe and aware the whole time. So I'm gonna count from three down to one. You step into that feeling, just some imagine following it all the way back to the very first time you ever felt that way.
Go ahead and step into that feeling now with the count of three, just drifting back like a bridge through time two, almost there. And one, and just notice whatever comes to mind. Are you inside or outside? And you can tell me Outside. Alone. Or with someone? With someone. Now imagine that someone over there and you, how old are you over there?
First number that comes to mind. Six. Now what's going on with six over there?
Darnyelle: I am confused. I'm a little angry. I'm frustrated. I don't know if I would've used those words at six, but as I [00:15:00] look back on myself now, that's what I'm feeling. Um,
Tim: yes.
Darnyelle: Yeah. I just got called out for something that I didn't do.
Tim: Yeah. It brings up all those feelings. Now I want you to take that remote control. I want you to pause that little memory there. So six is safe, it just kind of frozen so I can ask you a quick question. Okay. Would you say that you have gained, and you already know the answer to this, would you say you've gained more wisdom, more life experience, more understanding of how the world works, even more power than you had when you were six?
Darnyelle: Yes.
Tim: Like so much, right? So much. But six doesn't have that yet and she doesn't know it. So would you be willing to take those resources and that power that you now have back in time so you can go set her free? I would. Outstanding. Good for you. It takes a lot of courage to do this, especially in this format.
So good for you. So I want you to go ahead at your current age with all those resources, step into that feeling, [00:16:00] fall all the way back. Imagine walking into that situation and unfreezing it. And they're six. And she's just so, she's just such a little thing, right? When you're 6-year-old, you're, you're so little, you're just a little kid, right?
And, and you come in here and you are successful, and you are powerful, and you are strong, and you are confident, and you walk right up to her and she sees you. And whoa, she's surprised. And you can imagine if your future, you just walked into the room, but she's also relieved. And I want you to walk right up to her and just give her a great big hug.
Just give her a great big squeeze. Let her know that she's so special that you found a way to travel back in time just to let her know it. Also let her know that she's a diamond in the rough. Diamonds are not formed with feathers. Diamonds are formed under pressure for a long time, and when they emerge, they're valuable and sparkly and beautiful, but they are also so strong they can cut through steel and this little girl is being forged.
She's so strong. She'll be able to cut through any obstacle, [00:17:00] but we're gonna help her do it with a sense of peace. So she's not trying to prove her worth. She knows her worth. Yeah, she's not trying to play not to lose. She's playing to win. And so what I want you to do is I want you to ask her, what does she need most from you right now?
Does she need, because she might want it from other people, but she needs it from you the most. We all need it from ourselves the most. Does she need more love? So she knows you're gonna love her no matter what, that she's already more than enough. She don't have to prove it or earn it, or maybe she wants that self-acceptance.
So she knows you're gonna always be there. Have her back, be her best friend, be her biggest cheerleader, always compliment her. Maybe she wants more support. Instead of focusing on what's wrong or what needs to be better, you can focus on what's right and help her feel proud of herself. Maybe she needs to feel some protection.
Maybe she needs to know that other people are gonna act that way. And it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what shows up. What matters is how you show up. You can feel calm under pressure. Doesn't matter what [00:18:00] happens to you, you're gonna focus on what you are gonna bring to the situation. So ask her, you need more love, self-acceptance, support, protection, or something else.
Tell me what she says.
Darnyelle: She says she just needs to know she's gonna be okay, and she wants to be safe. She wants to feel.
Tim: Yeah. Would you be willing to help her feel safe and to help her know that she's gonna be okay no matter what happens?
Darnyelle: Absolutely.
Tim: Yeah. 'cause imagine what that would feel like to know that no matter what happens, you're okay.
No matter what you experience, God's got you. Right? So it doesn't matter what, you're not running out. You're running up, right? Whatever you got going on. Everything works out in the end. If it hasn't worked out yet, it isn't. It just means it isn't the end. Yeah. So I want you to then to go ahead and pour into that little girl, make her feel loved, make her feel safe.
Let her know that everything's gonna be okay, and that you're got her, you're gonna take care of her, and that she's just being forged and that there's a plan for [00:19:00] her, and that she can show up with peace and joy, and she just needs to keep that door in front of her heart. Open and everything else will take care of itself.
So go ahead, take a moment, pour into her in that way. Let me know when you've done that. Okay? Now, I want you to imagine that you're surrounded by this beautiful light of protection, God's light. You imagine taking some of that in surrounding six in that same beautiful light you both look like Angels or Jedi.
Knights shining in this protective light. But you notice there's a little dark cloud of self-doubt hanging over her still, or a little bit of resentment, a little bit of rebellion, and you decide that that kind of energy closes the door to the heart, and you wanna keep that door open. So, as you said, you're gonna make sure you protect her and make her feel safe and loved.
So she's okay. So walk up there, reach into her light, grab that dark cloud of fear, throw it into the light. It is no match for the light. When you throw it into the light, it evaporates. And suddenly that beautiful light of peace that [00:20:00] transcends all human understanding, pours down deep into every cell of her being Yeah.
Lighting her up inside. She's just glowing now. Now remember, it's not just what we, , go through or experience. It's the beliefs that form in our mind Yeah. That influence us as adults. So I want you to ask her, what was that old fearful belief, that negative belief that she used to have about herself, that you just evaporated away into the light?
Mm-hmm. You wanna share it? That
Darnyelle: she, yeah, that she wasn't safe. That whenever it's a parent, that that is there. Whenever the parent comes, he's coming to Chastises and to make her feel bad instead of telling her how much she's loved and now she understands that she is loved. The first thing that I would tell her to do would just be to breathe.
We get so much power from breathing. If we can just silence everything and take three deep [00:21:00] breaths, we can be restored. The energy is moving to our brain, our, our survival brain is shutting down. Our success brain is coming back online and we realize that there is. A way to feel safe in that moment. So that that's the first thing, and that's the most important thing she needed at that particular point in time.
Tim: That's beautiful. That's right. When you take those three breaths, do it through your nose. Now we got that last step now. So what's the new belief? Right, because beliefs are just opinions. Yeah. If you have a belief that I'm not safe, and then it sets up an anxiety response inside of you so that every time you're in a relationship you're gonna feel like you're gonna get in trouble or you're gonna, someone's gonna disapprove of you.
So now you're chasing validation. Yeah. If you're in a work situation, every time the phone rings, you know, all of a sudden you get a little nod in your stomach because you're just bracing. 'cause you know it's gonna be bad news. Right. So it sets up these dynamics. If that belief was shifted, you know, and she could believe [00:22:00] anything she wanted, instead of being I'm not safe, what would she wanna believe instead that would set her free and give her more peace the whole rest of her life?
Darnyelle: She would wanna believe that she is always safe and that she's always worthy no matter what. Mm-hmm. There are no conditions in which she is not worthy.
Tim: Amen. And that's right, and she just heard you say that. I want you to imagine she runs over to you and gives you a great big hug. Smiles all around as you hug her back, you imagine absorbing her into your heart.
Darnyelle: Yeah, I've done lots of inner child work. Mm-hmm. So she's a little DJ and I talk to her all the time and just remind her yes. Of just how much power she does have and how impactful she is to be. So, you know, I think a lot of times people do a lot of future self work, I believe. Mm-hmm. In doing the inner child work.
So I think that this is a really powerful exercise and I hope that. Everyone who's listening and or [00:23:00] watching you did this for yourself, or come back and listen after you listened through the first time and listen to what Tim is saying and follow the steps and go back to your earliest memory that impacts the way that you find yourself being today that is contrary to who you truly desire to be and talk to your inner child.
Give him or her. Permission to release any of the fear, any of the doubt, any of the pressure, any of the danger signals that their nervous system is impacting, their ability to be able to think and reason. Today, like you, when you do this work, you open up, I, I love the way you say it, Tim. You open up the door to their heart, right?
The Bible says out of the heart. Flows everything, right? Yeah. We have so much power to offer the world when we just keep our heart open, and being able to self-soothe and self-regulate so that you can [00:24:00] open your heart is such a powerful gift to give to yourself, to give to your business, to give to your family.
Oh my goodness. Yeah. It's a game changer.
Tim: Yes. I mean, there I can drop the mic now for you because that was it. That's it right there. That was beautiful. Good. That's exactly right. Yeah. Oh my
Darnyelle: gosh. So good. So you literally do this in the first session with a client. You have them do their inner child release.
In the
Tim: first section.
Darnyelle: Yes. That is so powerful.
Tim: So what I learned though, I wanna make a distinction because it's not just taking care of that little child, although that's essential, right? Giving yourself that love, giving yourself the permission, figuring out what it's really going on. But what I found is that you've gotta find the belief at the very end.
We focus on what was the belief? 'cause that belief becomes the software in your brain. And so you gotta figure out what that belief was. And if you get someone who's operating from the belief that I'm not safe, you can imagine how they're gonna show up in life. Everything feels like a battle. And if you [00:25:00] have a belief in your mind that I'm safe, no matter what I'm loved, no matter what, I'm already enough, then life becomes a pleasure.
Life becomes a joy. Life's about giving. Life's about collaboration. Life's about what we can do together. Right. Instead of competition and, and always, , you know, trying to, to beat everybody or get to the next level. And so, you know, that, uh. So sometimes people are afraid that, well, you're gonna lose, you know, mess with my mojo.
No, we're just enhancing, you know, what already makes you amazing and then just releasing the parking breaks that you don't even know are set. And of course that's just step one. You know, there's a few more experiences I've developed over the years that, that free people from the other issues or the bad habits or the other, , limiting beliefs that might be in there.
Or just from the chronic stress that we just kind of absorb as we charge through in life. And, , but that's why people are able to, , shift so fast because this isn't positive affirmations. This is a core foundational belief, [00:26:00] and when you upgrade it, it's upgraded. So it's sustainable. It's not something that wears off.
Darnyelle: Right. And what I love about that, just to further reinforce what you're saying. You are not updating it today, you're going back to the root to update it. Mm-hmm.
Tim: Mm-hmm.
Darnyelle: And this might sound like. Yeah, this is just a mental exercise. This isn't really the thing, but if you actually can get back to that moment with my eyes closed, I saw my 6-year-old self.
I was having a conversation with my 6-year-old self, which lets me know that I am actually back in that moment where I get to reinforce what I wanted her to take away as a belief instead of what she was believing, which would. Had I known that at six would've saved me. Mm-hmm. A whole lot of challenges on this side.
Right. So it's really powerful in this work. It can work. I have another question for you. Yes. This kind of popped in as you were talking just now, and I wanna bring us back to [00:27:00] today. I think the answer may be to take us back to our inner child. Why do so many high performers and high achievers fill the pressure after they've already proven that they are successful?
Like, why is it lingering that they have to keep trying to demonstrate their worth and worthiness?
Tim: Well, that's what you said right before you asked the question 'cause you already knew the answer. , You can have all kinds of evidence, but if the jury in your head still has this sentence about you, you know, then you know, you've, you won't be paroled from your mental prison.
You've gotta go bring new information to the jury and say, Hey, I was innocent the whole time. And to get a retrial and then be set free. Right. And so that's really, you know, that's really what it's about. We've gotta, we've gotta, , go through that experience , of recognizing that. We had, like I said, those parking breaks in there, some of those limiting beliefs that we didn't know were there.
And, , and [00:28:00] that's why people get stuck. That's why people go in and outta rehab, you know, that's why people keep relapsing and or, , or, you know, keep getting married 2, 3, 4 times because , the beliefs that are driving that deep underneath, , have never actually been resolved. And so that's why I go there first.
I mean, you'll notice that we got to six years old in seconds. Right. If you did that with talk therapy, that could have been years of free associating and asking questions and how'd you feel and talk to the little kid inside of you, but never actually upgrade the belief. You feel better, you know you're awesome.
I love you, right? But if you don't upgrade the belief that I'm not safe, you're missing it. Yeah. Right. And that's the part that people keep missing. And that's what I keep telling everybody everywhere. The, you know, that find the beliefs, be a belief hunter. Right? And, and as you know, you can trace whatever you're at back to a belief.
And if you upgrade that belief at the very beginning, it's like dominoes. If you push the first one over, all the other ones go over. You don't have to go through every [00:29:00] bad thing that you've ever been through, right? Just find the core one and upgrade the belief. You know, and you, that's why my last book was called One Belief Away.
Yeah. Right. You're just one belief away from your next big breakthrough.
Darnyelle: So good. And here's the other thing that I'm thinking about as I, , I hear you talking right now. I'm thinking about, or I'm wondering, and I think I know the answer, but I wanna hear what you have to say. Like, what is the belief usually that.
Sitting underneath of the ambition, the pressure, the I have to achieve no matter what, like what is sitting beneath that that's causing this in the first place.
Tim: I'm not good enough. I'm not enough. That fear that I'm not enough, and if I'm not enough, I won't be loved. Causes the fear of rejection, the fear of abandonment, the fear of being humiliated, the fear of being, , hurt or unsafe, right?
That fear of that I'm not enough, and it's like an infection that we all have. [00:30:00] It's where insecurity comes from. And so the cure for insecurity, the cure for imposter syndrome, the cure for self-sabotage is self-love. And when you know that you're more than enough. Then you know you can, you can give that to yourself and you can allow yourself to receive it from God.
And so when you know that God loves you and then you love you too, you're unstoppable because there's nothing to be afraid of anymore.
Darnyelle: That is so good. Oh my gosh, I had to write that one down. The cure for self, everything. So self-sabotage, all the things is self-love. So true. You know, I think about that just based on what's been happening in my, in my life over the last six months or so.
Tim, I'm in the process of an amazing evolution, and I'm so excited and grateful for the things that are shifting and who I'm becoming. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And when I think about the catalyst of this latest [00:31:00] evolution, it's absolutely self-love. Like literally two years ago, I was 198 pounds. I had high cholesterol, I had high blood pressure, and I was pre-diabetic.
I went from my physical at 48 and the doctor did not say these words, but what I heard was, Darnyelle Antoinette, you are going to die if you don't get your life together. And for the first time ever, and at my life in 48 years, it clicks. Mm-hmm. And all of a sudden I no longer felt invisible, invincible.
Mm-hmm. I no longer felt I had all the time in the world to make the decision mm-hmm. About treating my body. Like a temple instead of a trash can. Yes, yes, yes. And so I made a decision, and I love that Emerson quote, once you decide all of the universe rearranges itself to bring you what you decided. And so I made a decision, and that decision was that I was [00:32:00] going to treat my temple as a temple and not a trash can like that.
That was it. And because I had been. I had been eating my unfulfillment. Mm-hmm. Right. I had been mm-hmm. , Abusing myself in the name of what I was calling self-care, but it really wasn't, it was self-sabotage. Mm-hmm. If we're being honest. Right. And I've been mm-hmm. Radically honest with myself over the last two years, and I made a decision and within a year I released 60 pounds.
Yay. Which I have kept off for more than a year and I, yeah, that's amazing. Treat my body like the temple that it is and not a trash can. Yes. Literally from making that one decision and rewiring the belief, because I realize now, Tim, that the whole reason why it ever got that bad is because I didn't think I was worthy and I didn't think I was enough.
Like I know it won't sound crazy [00:33:00] to you 'cause you've worked with so many leaders. Who have experienced these types of things, but I would go and I would get a massage, or I would get a pedicure, and the pedicurist or the massage therapist would be inflicting physical pain on me and I wouldn't say anything.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I did not feel worthy to speak up for myself, and I know people are listening like, Darnyelle, how can that be? You are this and you are that, and you have all of this. Yes. The things that you have externally has nothing to do with the work that needs to be done internally. That's, and I finally got to that point where the rubber met the road, and I could no longer live inside of the paradox of saying one thing out of my mouth, but allowing something else to enter my life experience.
That the two had to become one and it changed. Yes. Everything for me , and as I'm, yeah. In this evolution as I'm continuing to be [00:34:00] radically honest with myself as I'm living into the belief that I've always been worthy, what I wish my 6-year-old self knew because it would've stopped her from making so many decisions that she made throughout from 6 to age 48.
Mm-hmm. Everything
Tim: would've changed. Well, it also helped you become who you are, though. Absolutely. Right. You've taken your pain, you turn it into your purpose, you've taken your message, you're turning into your message now. And so for you to be able to have those experiences can help you connect with others who are going through that right now.
And they have authenticity because you've gone through it, right? And so they, they feel that you're real and. You know, there's two things I wanna point out. 'cause that was just such a beautiful, powerful story. Thank you. Right. And the first thing, yeah, the first thing that, , that's really important for us to know is that a lot of people look like they got it all together, but then you take a peek under the hood and it's kind of a train wreck in there.
Right? And, and so, and I've heard you say this on your podcast, that success sometimes can feel like a trap because now you've got more [00:35:00] pressure, you got more people looking at you. You gotta hold this, maintain this image. Right? And you think that, . You know, you've success keeps you from maybe sometimes, , confiding in others.
Mm-hmm. Because you've got this image uphold, or you've gotta, you know, your social media videos all gotta make it look like you're living your best life now and you, and got it all together and then you go to bed crying your eyes out. Right. And so, , or it's a real mind. Trip in your head because you're like, Hey, I thought that once I had this money, that all my life was gonna be all better.
Right? And that's kind of like the core message, one of the core messages of your program here, which is why this show is so incredibly, , powerful. So if you have successful friends, make sure you're getting them to subscribe to this show and share it because they need to hear this because nobody else is talking like this to them, and they're just feeling very isolated and alone.
So the second thing that I wanna bring up that, that was really powerful is it shifted, a lot of people said, intentions that I'm gonna lose weight, and then they don't, [00:36:00] right? Mm-hmm. The reason it worked for you is because you set the intention and it was about loving yourself. Mm-hmm. It wasn't about losing weight, it wasn't about depriving yourself, it was about loving yourself.
And when I was helping people with weight loss, I found that, , whenever you make it an act of self-love. When you're making a deposit into yourself, when you drink that water, when you eat that healthy food, that apple instead of the bag of chips, when you go for a walk, instead of telling yourself you don't have time, 'cause you gotta send more email, right?
Then, that's a withdrawal from your health account. You got this, this health and wellness bank account, and people are bouncing checks all day long. But when you make deposits, when you're eating the apple, when you're drinking the water, when you're going for the walk, you know those are deposits.
And if you're doing it because this is an act of self-love, you're gonna do it more. Yeah, so people are always associating pleasure and pain to different activities. We associate pleasure to work because it makes us feel safe. We associate pain to anything that isn't work because it doesn't make us feel as safe.[00:37:00]
In fact, what you were ultimately doing, you weren't trying to sabotage yourself, you were trying to soothe. Comfort yourself. Yep, absolutely. That's where the eating was coming from. Yeah. You were trying to connect and that was a fast way to do it. And our whole, you know, country tells us that that's the way to do it through food.
Food is love. Right? That's why we call 'em treats, you know, even though it's bad for us and poisoning us and giving us diabetes, right? So we, so when you shift that which you did, not only do you achieve your goal, but you maintain the goal, because now it's always about love loving yourself. It's not about a diet that you suddenly achieved your goal and now you got off the plan.
Darnyelle: Yeah. That's so good Tim. Thank you for that. I appreciate that in, in so many ways. I'm curious, do you feel like achievers secretly fear irrelevance more than failure?
Tim: Mm-hmm. Um, some. Mm-hmm. It's [00:38:00] different for everybody.
Darnyelle: Mm-hmm.
Tim: Right. I don't think that a lot of achievers are afraid of failure. Okay. And, you know, high performers, it's just feedback to us.
Darnyelle: Yeah.
Tim: Right. Get feedback. Correct on the fly. Keep on going. You only fail if you stop. Right. So I don't know if we are afraid of failure. Some of us are afraid of being irrelevant or, or maybe people don't care about us anymore, or we're gonna lose , our worth. Mm-hmm. Right. Or our positioning, you know, our status.
So for some it's that for others they don't care about that. They just don't know what it is. They just constantly have this pressure and they figure it's because I got a thousand things going on all the time. Have you used the head to, where's the Crown? You know, I think I've heard you say that on your show, right?
And so, yeah. Yeah. And so it's an episode. Yeah. And so I know I got Darnyelle and Darnyelle in my head all the time, you know? Well, there are worse things
Darnyelle: to have in your head, Tim. Let's so
Tim: work. Oh, I think it's a blessing. You're a blessing. It's angel on my shoulders and all this good stuff, so thank you. You [00:39:00] know, which is important because.
Um, you know, a lot of my clients are very successful coaches. Mm-hmm. And, you know, just because you know this stuff doesn't mean that you're fully, you know, , integrated or that you don't have your blind spots or your own hidden, you know, constraints or bottlenecks. And so I'm always listening to other people and, and, , that's how I met you.
That's how I wanted to be on your show. And so, , you know, that's, , it's important that, , you're always growing and this is the, the best way to do it. If you, if you don't wanna go without, keep going within.
Darnyelle: Yeah. I love that you have some really great one-liners. Like people always say that to me.
You have some great one-liners, but I've written down several of yours. I really especially love that every garden has flowers and weeds and what you water grows.
Tim: Yeah. I had to come up with simple metaphors that happened from going on tv. I had to learn how to talk in sound bites. Yep. You know, and just come up with really simple, simple fasting that everybody understands and that'll so, ,
Darnyelle: to resonate [00:40:00] and, and respond, which I think is really, really powerful.
Now, you talked earlier about upgrading the belief. Right. And how we actually get there. So let me ask you this question. If the belief that is driving the ambition and the pressure is outdated mm-hmm. Is the only way to upgrade the belief to go back to the root? Or are there other things that we can do without losing our edge?
Tim: So nobody loses their edge, , when they go back and they upgrade. Okay. Right. I like that they optimize. Yes, that's good. So, , you might not come across as intense, which is a blessing because some people are like, I like my intensity. And I'm like, I know you do, but nobody around you does.
Darnyelle: Right?
Tim: Okay. I know you're the money man, or you're the one that made it happen.
You know, you're the one that makes it rain, but you are [00:41:00] stressing everybody else around you. And, and a lot of times they're like, I don't care. You know, and they're not the really good client for me, you know, because, , you know, I want people who do care about those, around them. Mm-hmm. You know, they might be rich, but they're not wealthy.
Mm. I am. Because they're Okay.
Darnyelle: Hold on, hold
Tim: on.
Darnyelle: Stop the presses. Tim, you said they might be rich, but they are not wealthy. I, I have so many connotations running through my brain right now. And break that down for me.
Tim: Well, so you can have money, but you might not be happy. I mean, you see very powerful people on TV and they never smile, right?
They always look stressed. They're always going to war. They're always, cutting people down. Right. And using criticism instead of lifting people up, , and creating divide instead of creating collaboration. And so you wonder, you know, what's going on inside of them. And, and then you find that they're, they're estranged from their children.
You know, they've [00:42:00] been through several divorces and going through a divorce doesn't mean there's something, you know, that you're a terrible person. Sometimes things like that happen, right? Right. But these are just red flags. These are signal distortions. These are ways of recognizing when there's something else going on.
You know, and , on the outside it looks good on paper, but on the inside, these are the problems that cause us to feel stressed out. And so that's why, , , in the Bible instead, it's harder to get, a rich man to get through the eye of a needle than to get into heaven. Not because money is bad, but in fact there's a lot of stories that talk about the importance of using your good works to increase your wealth, right?
Just don't make money. The idol. Don't keep it, keep your, eyes on God. So, and a lot of time, that's what we do. , We make money and the numbers in our bank account, the Golden Idol. That's why people never find peace no matter how much of that they have because they're looking at the wrong prize.
And so, you know, I think that a wealthy person is someone who's giving and caring and loving and lifts other people up and shares what [00:43:00] they have because they come from abundance and they know no matter how much they give is just gonna create more. Yeah. Right. And that's what abundance is. And so that's why I always say, you wanna be rich or you wanna be wealthy.
'cause I believe there's a difference.
Darnyelle: Absolutely. I agree. And I thought that that would be your response, but I wanted to make sure that we took an opportunity to pull back because I think it's so easy to focus entirely on the external. Assume that the internal is gonna bend at the command of the external, and it just doesn't work that way, right?
Yes. If we are not intentional about what's happening in, then we are not going to be able to determine what comes out, right? And so it, it's just such a powerful recognition and remembrance that we have a responsibility if we want to really live at the balance that you talked about earlier, to have more balance.
When you said what are you getting from the day versus [00:44:00] getting through the day, I love, I just love the reframe that that gives me. It's like when I said to a client. Last week to how to get, I wanted to help them move from have two to get to. Mm-hmm. And as I was having this conversation with her, I literally watched her shoulder soften.
Mm-hmm. Because I said, , no, you don't have to. You get to, mm-hmm. And I said, now, and then I saw her visibly change and I said, tell me what just came up for you. And she said something to the effect of. I can't tell you the last time that I looked at the work that I do as a privilege instead of a burden.
Yeah. And I think everything is just about your come from, right? Like you can be abundance. I wear this, what would abundance do? Bracelet, or you can be lack in scarcity. Yes. Right? And, it's merely a focal point and a decision and how we get to choose that. Tim, this has been [00:45:00] absolutely amazing.
Like there's probably two more hours I wanna spend talking to you and just be, I'll come back bouncing off your brain. Yeah. We'll definitely have to have you back because I love even the exercise that you walked me through allowing me , , to demonstrate that for the audience , so powerful. , I wanna give you the last word and then we'll move into our move to millions wisdom questions.
But what's coming up for you? What's on your heart that before we close out this conversation, you need to share? The floor is yours.
Tim: Yes. Well, I just wanna thank you for having the courage to play and go through that experience, because sometimes taking someone through it is worth so much more than just describing what it's like.
Right. And, , , so I know that was very impactful for a lot of people. And, , just know that you're already more than enough and like you said, you know, you get to, you're just one shift away. , , From looking at things, these micro shifts, I'm always trying to help people. You are too.
We're just trying to help people get their shift [00:46:00] together. Mm-hmm. And so, , by focusing on one little, you know, if you can come from gratitude instead of feeling like you have, you know, all these things to do and never enough time, you know, because as soon as you start talking to yourself like that, it closes the door to your heart again.
Right, because we don't like to feel any kind of discomfort. If you can open that door up and say, how can I bring joy? You know, to this, the quality of your life is being determined by the quality of your unconscious beliefs and the questions you ask yourself all day long. And so if you can start asking yourself more power questions like, how can I bring joy to this situation?
Right? It's not time management, it's thought management, right? You can slow down. If you think you can't, what's the belief driving that? Right. I'm gonna drop the ball. Something bad's gonna happen. You don't understand. Yeah, I do. Yeah, I do. I got 37 tabs open on my computer right now on Chrome. Right? I gotta start closing 'em down.
But I'll forget something important, right? And so it's coming from fear. , It's that playing not to lose. So if you just [00:47:00] keep playing to win, you know you're more than enough. You've already won. Everything's a bonus round, and then you just keep coming back to center. Like you said, breathe through your nose.
Mm-hmm. And then open that door to your heart. Ask a better question. You know, what's the outcome that I want? How do I want this to go? One more metaphor. Your mind's like A GPS. You wouldn't tell it where you don't want to go. Because it'll take you there.
Darnyelle: Mm-hmm.
Tim: That's what we do in our mind. You know, I can't get to lose this and I got this going on, you know, , and we keep telling our GPS what we don't want, and then we keep moving in that direction because it's how it works. So you gotta take a pause and ask yourself, what do I want? How do I wanna show up to this space?
And, , and do it as an act of self-love first. And then whatever you're working on, figure out how you can tie that to how it helps, , bring love into the world. Mm-hmm. And then every day just becomes a little more joyful.
Darnyelle: That was amazing. Oh my gosh, that was so good. We gotta stop [00:48:00] playing not to lose people.
Stop playing not to lose. Instead play to give yourself the love that you deserve, that you desire, and that will help you to shift the world. Oh my gosh. So good. So good. So good. Okay, Tim, before I let you go, my closing question is, what is the book, the quote and the tool that has made a difference on your move to millions?
You can give 'em to me in whichever order, book quote tool. Back over to you.
Tim: Well, one book that helps me a lot is this one. Yes. So I got my Bible, you know, and I remember Bob Proctor told me one time, he said, you know, I've got this one book on my desk. I've had it there for decades, and I'm big fan of Bob Proctor, you know, but he, he said, it's Think and Grow Rich.
I said, that's fabulous. I've read that book and it's got D philosophy, but there's a better one.
Darnyelle: I know.
Tim: That's right. I know. Yeah. So, yeah, so, so that one's helped a lot. , You know, I'm always [00:49:00] reading books and listening and, and, , , so, and podcasts are really good. I've got my new favorite one out called Move to Millions, so if you haven't heard that one, like, and subscribe.
Yeah, that's a big one of mine that I really like. And so, . So that's, , the book, the, the shifting really, , is the, just the one belief away technique. I keep thinking about my own beliefs all the time, right? And so, , , that's the tool that I use all the time. What do I have to believe right now, you know, to feel this way and what would I rather believe instead?
It's just two questions. What would I rather, okay. Say that, say that one more time and make sure everybody caught it. Yeah. So first question is, what would I have to believe to think the way I'm feeling or feel the way I'm feeling? And then what would I rather believe instead? Hmm. So you start becoming more intentional instead of your calendar running, you, you start running your calendar, your schedule, your relationships.
Right. Your health. So good. Oh my gosh, so good. Yeah. Hmm. [00:50:00] And then, and then any of the, and then a quote. Mm-hmm. Quotes. There's two of them that come to mind first from my pal, Les Brown. And he says, when you're going through hell don't stop. You know? And the second one was from Zig Ziglar who I got to meet, and he said, ships are safe in the harbor, but that's not what they're built for, neither are you.
That's good. Yeah. And the quote that I like to bring, that, ,
Darnyelle: I'm listening.
Tim: Okay. The quote that I like is, , your biggest breakthroughs are hiding in the places you don't want to go. Mm.
Darnyelle: Oh my gosh. That is good.
I can't even write fast enough. I'm gonna have to listen back to my own episode so I can get some more notes. Tim. Yeah, this was amazing. Thank you so much. First of all, just thank you for being you. I am so grateful. Thank you. And appreciative of an opportunity. To [00:51:00] experience your greatness, your brilliance, and what is baked into you.
It's who you be, and I am so grateful to have experienced your being. Thank you so very much. The entire time you have been here, I have felt a peace that much like the peace of Jesus that surpasses all understanding because you. Are firmly planted and anchored into who you be, and that is what is pouring out of your soul.
And so I thank you from the bottom of my heart for every word that you have spoken for, every tip that you have shared, and for every metaphor that you have given, that I hope helps at least one person in the audience rethink the way that they are living. So that they can experience life at the level that was already determined for them before they were formed in their mother's womb.
Thank you so much for being here. I feel [00:52:00] enriched. I feel full. I feel. Overflow and I'm just so honored and grateful to have spent this time with you. And for those of you who have been listening, listen again one more time after that and share it with a friend because everything that you need to know in order to experience everything that God desires for you to experience is in your life right now.
And I've probably talked about it on this here podcast. And we'll see you guys next time. Take care.
